


Don’t Understand

by baguette_avocat



Category: IT (1990), IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Pennywise, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Coming of Age, Eddie has anxiety, Fluff and Angst, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, M/M, POV - Third Person, Period-Typical Homophobia, Richie is a disaster bi, Slow Burn, eddie is 12, eddie is in gay denial, ill put warnings before any chapters that have panic attacks and similar behaviors in them, richie flirts but it’s in a kid way, richie has adhd, richie is 13, they actually act like kids, very cute very wholesome, will tag as needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 31,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21563653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baguette_avocat/pseuds/baguette_avocat
Summary: “Eddie Kaspbrak didn’t really understand dating. He was twelve for crying out loud! Why did he need to date anyway? It’s not like he was getting married anytime soon. He just didn’t get what was so amazing about being in a relationship.”orThe one where Eddie really likes Richie, but doesn't know it yet.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 289
Kudos: 441





	1. PARTY TIME (Introduction)

**Author's Note:**

> Join me as I delve into the Reddie Hell Hole for the first time! Let me know if you see mistakes or get confused by something! Encouragement helps, too ;)
> 
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> ~valor

Eddie Kaspbrak didn’t really understand dating. He was twelve for crying out loud! Why did he need to date anyway? It’s not like he was getting married anytime soon. He just didn’t get what was so amazing about being in a relationship.

That was what always went through Eddie’s head during these kinds of situations. He was at a family gathering, albeit an incredibly small one, for a cousin’s birthday. He’d mostly been stuck inside the spare bedroom, his mother too paranoid to let him interact with any of the other few cousins that were playing games outside.

His mother had come to get him when it was time for presents and cake. Eddie didn’t pay much attention, though, and was thoroughly disappointed that he had to sit and eat with the rest of the family. It wasn’t that Eddie didn’t like his family; Eddie just wasn’t interested in having conversations with them. All of his cousins were a fair bit older than him, and all of the older relatives only wanted to talk about boring stuff. 

“So, Eddie,” a relative he didn’t recognize asked, “got a girlfriend yet?” He had his eyebrow raised in an amused expression.

Eddie shook his head. “No, sir.”

The man nodded, making the same expression. “Are there any cute girls in your class?”

Eddie shook his head again. “No, not really.”

The man’s eyebrows shot up in feigned astonishment. “Really? None at all?”

Eddie did his best to keep a neutral tone, not wanting to be rude but getting very irritated at the insistence. “No, sir.”

The man laughed, lightly patting Eddie on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, champ. You’ll definitely be a teen heartthrob.”

Eddie tried a polite smile, ignoring that he had no clue what the word heartthrob meant. He excused himself in favor of the guest bedroom, picking up where he left off in the book he had brought. He had read three chapters before his mother told him it was time to go home, an occurrence Eddie never would have thought he’d be excited for.

During the entirety of the drive home, he stared quietly out the window and watched the scenery. His thoughts consisted of wishing he were home, wanting to play with Richie, and his conversation with his relative. He decided to focus on the second one.

Sure, Richie was annoying as all Hell, but he was still Eddie’s best friend. Eddie couldn’t remember a time when they weren’t friends, and he was sure Richie couldn’t either. Sometimes it surprised Eddie that his mother would let him hang around Richie. While he wasn’t a necessarily bad kid, he was still pretty mischievous. He had endured many talks from his mother about how much she hated Eddie playing with him, but she had never once told him that he had to stop. 

His thoughts shifted back to his conversation with his relative. Richie would probably laugh at Eddie, saying that he had his eye on at least seven girls in their class. Eddie shook his head, not really wanting to think about that. Maybe it was because Richie was thirteen while Eddie was only twelve. Maybe thirteen was the age that he’d start getting crushes and wanting to have a girlfriend, too. 

Eddie let out a breath, watching as the sky started to turn pink and orange. He’d been gone for the whole day, and quite frankly, he really missed Richie. He hadn’t even gotten to tell Richie that he was leaving, as his mother had only told him that morning about the party. Eddie hoped that Richie wasn’t mad at him. 

Eddie must have fallen asleep, because soon the car was parked in the driveway and his mother was telling him to get ready for bed. Eddie groggily walked up to his bedroom and took off his jeans, too tired now to put on a pair of pajama pants. Thankfully, he’d worn a button up with a white t-shirt under it, so all he had to do was take off the button up and flop into bed. In no time, Eddie had fallen back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! This is just for fun, so I don’t have a post schedule or anything, but I’ll definitely make sure that I don’t leave y’all hanging!
> 
> If you’d like, you can find me on:  
> tumblr - @baguette-avocat  
> instagram - @baguette.avocat  
> twitter - @baguetteavocat


	2. TREE-WINDOW BREAK-IN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie woke up to the sound of a rock hitting his window. He scrambled out of bed, looking out the window to see what had happened. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw that it was only Richie. Eddie quietly opened the window, sticking his head out. Richie waved up at him, a smile on his face.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let’s get this fic started babey!
> 
> My worst pet peeve when reading a fanfiction is when the characters, who are usually young, do the whole dramatic love-story stuff. That isn’t how real life is!! They’re kids, dawg!! All they know how to love is winning at Monopoly or the movie they’re watching! 
> 
> On a more lighthearted note, I hope y’all enjoy the second chapter! I’ve set this whole “Richie is more serious/soft than he acts like he is” headcanon subplot deal thing. Let me know if it seems off, though! I’m trying to keep our same ol’ Trashmouth, just with more feelings! :)
> 
> ~ valor

Eddie woke up to the sound of a rock hitting his window. He scrambled out of bed, looking out the window to see what had happened. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw that it was only Richie. Eddie quietly opened the window, sticking his head out. Richie waved up at him, a smile on his face.

“Eds!”

“Richie, what are you doing!”

Richie laughed. “Can I come up?”

Eddie stared at him for a moment. He didn’t even know what time it was. What if his mom heard them? What if he and Richie fell asleep and his mom saw them in the morning?

“Yeah,” he said instead.

He watched anxiously as Richie climbed up the oak tree in the front yard, faster than he should have been able to in the dark. The path was probably etched into his brain from how many times he’d done it. As he got closer to the window, Eddie stuck his hand out. Richie tentatively took hold, letting go of the tree and reaching to put his palm on the window with the other.

With Eddie’s help, Richie’s feet landed safely on the windowsill. He grabbed the underside of the window with both hands, Eddie holding his feet in place. When Richie gave the okay, Eddie carefully let his legs slide in through the window. It wasn’t a very elegant method, but with practice it had become quite fast, and Richie always told him not to fix what wasn’t broken. Once Richie was inside, he fixed his glasses and gave Eddie a blinding smile. 

“Where’ve ya been?” Richie asked quietly.

Eddie ignored the question. “What are you doing here? What time is it?”

Richie’s smile faded. “Like, midnight?” He looked down at his fidgeting hands. “Wanted to see you,” he added quieter.

“Couldn’t you have waited until tomorrow?” Eddie said as he closed the window. 

Richie faltered, mouth opening and then closing. He seemed to be debating with himself. Finally, with a sigh: “I guess.”

Eddie looked at his open door. “What if you’d woken up my mom?”

Richie didn’t answer, picking at his fingernails. Eddie sighed. “It’s okay, Richie, really. I’m glad to see you.”

Richie looked up at Eddie, who gave a small smile before going to close the door. When he turned back around, Richie had quietly sat himself on the edge of Eddie’s bed, looking at his hands again. Eddie sat down next to him. 

“So, what’s up?” Eddie asked, prompting Richie to look at him. 

He shrugged. “Nothing, I guess. I just didn’t see you at all today.”

Eddie frowned. “Yeah. I didn’t know I wasn’t gonna be here.”

“Where were you?”

“Cousin’s birthday.”

“Oh.”

They sat quietly. Eddie wasn’t sure what was going through Richie’s head, but he was relishing in the comfortable silent togetherness. He’d never tell the other Losers, but Richie was pretty calm when the two of them were alone. Mostly calm, anyway. 

“Do you think your mom would let you stay over tomorrow night?” Richie said, breaking the silence. 

Eddie shrugged. “Maybe.”

“I guess I’ll have to be extra sweet to her,” Richie winked. 

Eddie playfully pushed at Richie’s arm, failing at hiding his giggling. Richie’s face lit up, as it always did when Eddie’s resolve crumbled and let his amusement at Richie’s jokes show through. He was annoying, yes, but somehow Eddie thought his jokes were funny. Maybe it was because he knew exactly how Richie really felt about his mother. 

“Was this something you’d already had planned?” Eddie asked. “Or is it because I was gone.”

Richie’s cheeks turned a shade of pink. “C’mon, am I not allowed to spend time with my Eddie Spaghetti?”

Eddie snorted. “Don’t call me Eddie Spaghetti, and maybe I’ll say no.”

Richie’s cheeks seemed to darken a shade, and Eddie laughed. Richie softly bumped his shoulder into Eddie, only making Eddie laugh more. Richie was laughing, too, despite the obvious try at looking angry.

“You’re so mean,” he said, poking Eddie’s cheek. 

“And you’re so dumb,” Eddie said back, swiping at Richie’s hand. “Is that all you wanted?”

Richie raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”

Eddie smiled lopsidedly. “Did you just want to ask if I could stay over? Or is there something else you came here for?”

Richie looked at Eddie for what seemed like too long, face serious. It was as if he was examining Eddie’s face, and while Eddie didn’t necessarily mind, it made his stomach feel a little weird.

Before he could ask if he was alright, Richie smiled brightly. “No, that’s all I needed! Thanks for lettin’ me in, Eds.”

Eddie pushed Richie as he stood up. “Don’t call me Eds, Richie. Need help getting down?”

Richie looked at the window, then down at Eddie. “If you’d be so kind.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, helping Richie open the window and holding his waist as he swung a leg out. He dipped his head out of the window, using one arm to hold the underside of the window and swinging his other leg out in the process. 

“You good?” Eddie asked quietly, seeing Richie freeze.

Richie just nodded. “Tryna mentally prepare myself.”

A few more seconds, and Richie told Eddie he could let go. Eddie watched with a held breath as Richie planted a foot on the windowsill, reaching out to grab the branch he’d gotten through with. Eddie didn’t let himself breathe until Richie had both feet on the branch below. 

“Be careful,” Eddie urged quietly. 

“Don’t worry, Eds,” Richie whispered back. “I won’t let a simple tree best me in front of my lover.”

“Ha ha, Richie. Very funny.” Eddie rolled his eyes, but Richie wouldn’t have been able to see him anyway. “You seem to have forgotten that my mom is asleep right now.”

Richie looked up at Eddie, halfway down the tree already. Eddie would have sworn he saw Richie wink along with his smile. “I know.”

Eddie sputtered, watching as Richie jumped down from the tree onto the ground with a quiet grunt. Richie waved up at Eddie, not long enough for a response, and ran down the street toward his house. After a few seconds, Eddie shook his head and closed the window, opening his door again and climbing back into bed. No, Richie wasn’t a necessarily bad kid, but he was definitely a mischievous one.


	3. A BIT OF BANTER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The day was going by way too fast for Eddie’s liking. Miraculously, his mother had agreed to let him sleep over at Richie’s, so long as he didn’t participate in any of Richie’s ‘dangerous activities.’ These activities consisted of riding his bike down steep hills, climbing trees, going anywhere near the woods, watching inappropriate movies, and more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!
> 
> I hope all of y’all had a good turkey day, and that you didn’t get beaten up by a grandma in Walmart on Friday! 
> 
> Thank y’all for being patient with me. I really do wanna make this the best that I can do, even if it is just for fun.
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy!  
> ~ valor

The day was going by way too fast for Eddie’s liking. Miraculously, his mother had agreed to let him sleep over at Richie’s, so long as he didn’t participate in any of Richie’s “dangerous activities.” These activities consisted of riding his bike down steep hills, climbing trees, going anywhere near the woods, watching inappropriate movies, and more.

When Eddie told this to Richie, he had laughed. “What, does she think I’m going to corrupt your innocent, virgin mind?”

Eddie had pushed him away, face red and Richie cackling. “Beep beep, Richie!”

Now, they were laying in Richie’s living room, wedged inside of a pillow fort that was probably much too small for the two boys, having to crane their necks uncomfortably to see the TV. Thankfully for them, they weren’t really paying attention to the movie that they’d started.

Eddie picked up a few bits of popcorn that had fallen onto the cushions they were laying on, dropping them into the empty popcorn bowl in front of them. Richie was telling him about how Beverly had laughed soda out of her nose the day before. 

“And then,” Richie said dramatically, “she started laughing, and the soda shot straight out of her nose onto the table!”

Eddie scrunched his nose, practically feeling the horrible sting. “That sounds awful,” he said. 

“Oh, she said it hurt like Hell, but it was funny as all fuck!”

“It’s so gross, though! Think of how much bacteria got on the table! Did you guys clean it up?”

“Yeah, don’t worry.” He shrugged. “Stan wouldn’t let me lick it off the table anyway.”

Eddie yelped, pushing Richie’s shoulder as best he could in the confines of the fort. In response, Richie rolled onto his back, laughing. Once he’d calmed down, he folded his hands behind his head and gave Eddie a smile. 

Eddie rolled his eyes. “You’re the worst.”

Richie only smiled bigger. “You know you love me.”

“Yeah, sure,” Eddie said, snorting. “You keep believing that.”

The two grew quiet, Eddie watching the TV for a few minutes. When he looked back down at Richie, he felt his ears grow warm. Richie quickly averted his eyes, his whole face a dark pink.

Eddie watched him for a few moments. Before he could ask about it, though, Richie squeezed his eyes shut and blurted out: “I was just looking at how dumb your face looks.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, letting out a puff of air in annoyance. “Sure thing, Richie.”

“Does your mom know that freckles can be cancerous?”

“What?” Eddie blinked. “What are you talking about?”

Richie still didn’t look at him. “You have freckles on your neck and shoulders. Knowing your mom, she’d think you have cancer or something.”

Eddie didn’t know what to say. He was fairly certain he didn’t have cancer, and he knew Richie was too. “Why?”

Richie shrugged. “Because she’s a paranoid-“

“No, Richie!” Eddie interrupted with a laugh. “Why are you bringing it up?”

Richie’s face returned to its previous pink shade, and he shrugged again. His expression was one of irritation. “I dunno, I just am. It doesn’t matter.”

Eddie stared at him. He wanted to ask Richie why he was so defensive, but he knew better than to try. “Alright. I was just wondering.”

Richie didn’t respond. Eddie waited for a few more seconds, but when Richie still didn’t reply, he got up to use the bathroom and to give Richie his space. Sometimes, he just needed some alone time to mellow himself out. Eddie knew this. Richie didn’t do well in the rare occasion that he was flustered, and Eddie wasn’t mean enough to tease him for it while they were alone.

When he went back into the living room, Richie had vacated the fort and was attempting to take out the movie. A quick glance at the clock told Eddie that it was about ten, and so he assumed they were getting ready to head into Richie’s room for the night. He offered to put the pillows and blankets away, to which Richie just nodded, and helped get all of the popcorn pieces off of the floor. 

Once they were finished cleaning, the two went upstairs and into Richie’s bedroom. It was a familiar room, safe and very much Richie. Eddie wasn’t sure what that really meant, but it was the only way he could think to describe it. While his mind was on things that he didn’t understand, he remembered the word his relative had said to him at the party. 

“What‘s a heartthrob?” Eddie asked out loud, seemingly to no one. 

Richie, who was changing into a way too big t-shirt, tensed. “Why?” He asked.

Eddie shrugged, pulling his sweater off and messing up his hair. “One of my relatives said that he was sure I’d be a teen heartthrob.”

Richie jumped onto his bed and laid flat on his back. “It just means the ladies will be all over you.” The usual teasing humor of his voice seemed to be lost.

Eddie finished changing into his t-shirt and shorts, getting on the bed next to Richie. Instead of laying down, he opted to sit cross-legged by Richie’s stomach, facing him.

“That doesn’t sound very fun.”

Richie propped himself up on his elbows, eyebrow raised. “What’d’ya mean?”

Eddie shrugged, looking around the room as he thought. “I just... I just don’t find it very appealing. I don’t know.”

Richie stared at him, expression unreadable. “Fair enough,” he said finally, plopping himself back down and folding his hands behind his head. 

It was Eddie’s turn to stare. “Wait, aren’t you gonna make a joke or something?”

“Not really. Why?”

“Why?” Eddie repeated. “Because you always make jokes about this kinda stuff.”

Richie hummed. “Don’t feel like it tonight.”

“Did I upset you or something?” His fingers found their way to the hem of his shirt, playing with it.

Richie laughed. “No, Eds. You didn’t upset me.”

“Then why...” Eddie trailed off, not sure of how to verbalize the string of thoughts that were floating inside of his head.

“I just don’t feel like it tonight.” Richie smiled softly at him. With a wink, he added: “Appreciate it while you can, Eds.”

Eddie laughed quietly. “You’re a mess.”

Richie’s face lit up, as if it was the most endearing compliment he’d ever been given. “I know.”


	4. LATE NIGHT CHIT-CHAT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It was well past midnight before the two boys decided that maybe they should try to get some sleep. Richie made sure there were enough pillows on his bed, straightened up his bedside table so that Eddie could put his watch on it, and turned off the lights. As Richie wiggled himself under the sheets, Eddie closed his eyes and took a deep breath.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! I made the hard decision to cut this part into two chapters. I’m fairly confident about this first section, and I really wanted to post something tonight. I’ll admit that this chapter is way too short for my liking, but I’m hoping y’all’ll bear with me and take this shorter chapter in return for a longer one next chapter. I hope y’all understand!
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy reading my fic!
> 
> ~ valor

It was well past midnight before the two boys decided that maybe they should try to get some sleep. Richie made sure there were enough pillows on his bed, straightened up his bedside table so that Eddie could put his watch on it, and turned off the lights. As Richie wiggled himself under the sheets, Eddie closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

“Hey, Eds?” 

“Don’t call me Eds, jackass.”

“Do you think it’s weird that we sleep together?”

Eddie’s voice faltered. “No? Why? Do you think it’s weird? I’ll sleep on the floor if you want me to, Richie.”

Eddie could tell by the way the bed dipped and squeaked that Richie had sat up. “No no no, that’s not what I meant!”

Eddie opened his eyes, turning to face Richie. “What’d’ya mean, then?”

“It’s just...” Eddie didn’t think he’d ever seen Richie look so irritated. “Well, my mom told me that we were getting a little old to be sharing a bed. She said it was weird, at our age, whatever that means.”

“Oh.” Eddie was sure that his own mother would throw a tantrum if she discovered that the two boys shared beds. “Do you want me to start bringing a sleeping bag?”

Richie shook his head. “I told her I thought it was nice. I like having you with me,” he added, voice growing softer. “It’s nice, just knowing that you’re here.”

Eddie felt his ears heat up. It wasn’t typical of Richie to let himself be vulnerable like this with anyone, including Eddie. Richie flipped onto his side, his back toward Eddie, and pulled the covers practically over his head. “G’night,” he said quickly. 

Eddie didn’t move. He was unsure of what he wanted to say. Even though the odd behavior worried Eddie somewhat, it also gave him a warm feeling and a tightness in his chest that he was having a hard time placing. He wanted to respond, to tell Richie that he didn’t think it was dumb, but how?

“I love that you’re being all serious and stuff, Richie.” He spoke slowly, unsure of himself. “I just don’t know how to respond, I guess.”

“It’s fine,” Richie said quickly, muffled under the covers. “You don’t have to.”

“I like it, too, sharing a bed,” Eddie paused, taking in a breath, “but I know that it’s not something that boys our age usually do.”

When Richie didn’t respond, Eddie decided that it would be best to try to fall asleep. It was never really hard to, when he was with Richie, but this time it seemed harder than usual. He kept feeling a nervous energy bounce around inside of his stomach, with no way to get it out. It took a good while before Eddie had finally fallen into sleep.


	5. A LITTLE TOO TOUCHY-FEELY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The next morning, Eddie woke up to find himself alone in the bed. He deduced that Richie had went to the bathroom, and so to occupy himself, he combed his fingers through his hair as he waited. He had actually gotten his hair to look relatively presentable, when Richie came back into the room. He looked a little flustered.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello y’all! Decided that I was just gonna rip off the bandage and post, because if I keep over-analyzing this chapter, it will never get posted!
> 
> This chapter has more of an angsty tone, I suppose, than the other chapters. Let me know if anything seems off! I wanna make sure y’all like reading it as much as I love writing it!
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think, if you’d like!
> 
> ~ valor

The next morning, Eddie woke up to find himself alone in the bed. He deduced that Richie had went to the bathroom, and so to occupy himself, he combed his fingers through his hair as he waited. He had actually gotten his hair to look relatively presentable, when Richie came back into the room. He looked a little flustered. 

“Mornin’, Eds.”

Eddie groaned, but he was smiling. “I hate it when you call me that.”

Richie shrugged. “Get used to it, sweet cheeks,” he said smugly. “Once me and your mom get hitched, you’re gonna hear it all the time.”

Eddie laughed. “And I don’t already hear it all the time?”

Richie jumped onto the bed. “You mumble in your sleep, y’know.”

“Do I?”

“Mhm.” Richie was on his side, head propped up with a fist. “It’s cute.”

Eddie’s ears grew warm. “No, it’s embarrassing. I didn’t say anything too weird, did I?”

Richie laughed. “Not really. I couldn’t hear most of what you were saying anyway.”

“I have a feeling that you’re lying.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

Eddie pushed on Richie’s chest. “Fuck off.”

Richie grabbed Eddie’s wrists, laughing as Eddie fell on top of him. Richie hooked an arm around him and began poking at his sides. Soon Eddie was reduced to a giggling pile of irritation, every so often managing to grab a hold of Richie’s hands and demand that he stop. This never lasted, however, as Richie had no trouble freeing his hands from Eddie’s grasp to continue tickling him.

“I hate you,” Eddie announced once Richie had finally let him go.

“Love you too, Eds.”

“Don’t call me that!”

They went downstairs, raiding the cabinets for the cereal necessities. They ate with minimal interaction, relishing in the quiet peacefulness of each other’s company. Eddie knew that even though he would never admit it, Richie loved when it was like this; Just the two of them sitting quietly with each other. 

They got dressed after they ate, deciding to hang out in Richie’s front yard. Eddie had brought cargo shorts and a striped polo, at which Richie laughed, asking if Eddie even owned anything else. Richie just had on his typical jeans and printed button up over a white t-shirt. Neither boy put their shoes on, challenging each other to see who could jump down the stairs from the highest step as they left. Eddie had only jumped three steps, Richie jumping four. 

“It’s because you’re taller,” Eddie complained as they ran outside. “Your legs are longer than mine!”

Richie ignored him, falling onto his back and laughing. Eddie simply sat down cross-legged next to him, feeling the grass tickle at his legs. They didn’t talk for a good few minutes, just relishing in the cool morning breeze and the smell of freshly cut grass. 

It wasn’t long, however, that Richie started fidgeting with a patch of clovers a few feet away from where they were sitting. He ended up rolling onto his stomach, Eddie opting to just stand up and walk over. Instead of sitting down next to him again, though, Eddie carefully rested his arm on Richie’s back, using him like an armrest, to which Richie let out an exaggerated moan.

“You’re impaling my lungs!” He cried dramatically, pulling a giggle out of Eddie. “Tell your mom I love her!” With that, he made a “bleh” noise and closed his eyes, tongue sticking out. 

After a few seconds of badly hidden giggling from Eddie, Richie opened an eye just enough so that he could see him, his suppressed grin going bigger. Eddie laughed, rolling his eyes. 

He poked at Richie’s cheeks, and then tapped on his shoulders for a little while, Richie letting out a quiet laugh. Eddie watched him carefully, wondering if his humming was of a specific tune. After a few moments, Richie closed his eyes. A plan of revenge formulated inside of Eddie’s head, and he quickly switched to tickling at Richie’s neck. Richie let out a betrayed squeal, quickly flipping himself over, Eddie now practically in his lap. He didn’t have time to think about it, though, because Richie was already prodding at Eddie’s sides.

“Don’t think you can get away with that, Spaghetti Man,” Richie proclaimed in a light voice, Eddie’s resolve crumbling into a fit of giggles and gasps for air. “The penalty is death by tickling!”

Eddie pushed at Richie’s chest, earning him a few laughs, but was ultimately powerless against Richie’s wiggling fingers. Somehow, Eddie found himself lying on his back, Richie above him and poking at his sides. Both boys were in a fit of laughter, Eddie occasionally yelping Richie’s name and telling him to stop, but there was no real bite behind the requests. 

Eddie had managed to grab a hold of one of Richie’s hands when someone yelled his name, making both boys freeze. After barely even a second, Richie scrambled up off of Eddie, scooting a few inches away and clasping his hands together in his lap. Eddie looked toward the source of the voice, finding his mother getting out of her car, looking more horrified than anything.

“Eddie, what in the world are you two doing?” She was already tilting Eddie’s head up at a painful angle, inspecting his face. 

“I’m fine, Ma,” he said as best he could with his face being squished and his airway being constricted. “Really, I am.”

His mother didn’t seem convinced, though to Eddie’s relief she released him and stood up. This relief was immediately replaced with fear, watching as his mother marched over to Richie, who had moved a few feet farther away. This fear morphed into boiling anger as he watched his mother grab Richie by his t-shirt. She yanked him up off the ground, not letting go of his shirt as she began to yell.

“What in God’s name do you think you’re doing, roughhousing with Eddie like that?”

Eddie stood up. “Ma, it’s fine!”

His mother ignored him. “Do you know how badly you could have hurt him? You could have triggered an asthma attack! You could have hit his head on something! You probably already did, you little demon child!”

“Stop!” Eddie ran over, grabbing his mother’s arms and prying her hands off of Richie. He got in between the two, Richie instantly taking hold of Eddie’s arm. “He didn’t hurt me, Ma, I’m fine! We do that kind of stuff all the time!”

Eddie regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. His mother’s eyes went wide with shock, and then thin with anger. Eddie was scared that she would grab Richie again, but she grabbed his shoulder instead, Richie’s grip on his arm tightening momentarily.

“I want you home now,” she said sharply, pushing Eddie toward the car.

Eddie protested, saying that his things were still inside of Richie’s house, but it was no use. He climbed into the car, not noticing that his mother had walked back to Richie until he closed the car door. 

“Do not touch him again,” his mother yelled, Richie flinching. “And God forbid I catch you on top of him like that again, you dirty little heathen! Do you understand me?”

Richie nodded. He’d never been good at standing up to Eddie’s mom. “Clear as glass, Mrs. K.”

Satisfied with his answer, she straightened her posture and put her hands on her hips. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”

Eddie didn’t hear Richie’s response, but he assumed that it was a good one, because his mother huffed back to the car. He wanted to shoot an apologetic glance Richie’s way, but Richie had already started trudging back into the house, head down.

As soon as Eddie’s mother was situated in her seat, she started the car and gave Eddie a disappointed glare. He was all too familiar of this glare, having received it repeatedly throughout his childhood. To Eddie’s surprise, though, she didn’t say anything. She looked back at the road and began to drive off. He wasn’t really sure why his mother had come to pick him up so early, though. She didn’t usually get him until later in the morning.

His brain replayed the event over and over, analyzing each bit, until something started eating at Eddie’s stomach; Something that his mother had said.

Do not touch him again. Eddie chewed at his lip, the image of Richie flinching looped in his head. Richie was never one to show he was intimidated. Something like that only happened when he was caught off-guard or seriously hurt. He didn’t see how either would apply.

Eddie knew that the concept of them never touching again was absolutely ridiculous. The two boys were always touching; Whether it be their knees when they were doing homework, or their arms when they were laying in the grass at night, or their heads and shoulders when it was late and one of them was tired. It was just something that they always did.

Imagining never being able to push Richie when he was being annoying or lean on him when he was sad was enough to trigger the threatening pressure of tears behind Eddie’s eyes. Imagining Richie never putting his arm around him or ruffling his hair or poking his cheeks or tickling him ever again made his stomach tie itself up into knots. Just because it was annoying didn’t mean that Eddie didn’t somewhat enjoy the attention.

Eddie knew that there was another piece to the puzzle; A piece that he was deliberately ignoring; A piece that made him too sick to place. He didn’t want to uncover the picture that lay locked within it. He tried not to think about that puzzle piece, focusing on the practically nonexistent scenery passing by.


	6. FIRST DAY IN LOSER JAIL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Much to Eddie’s expectations, his next week would be spent sulking on his bed, glaring at the glow-in-the-dark stars Richie had gotten him for his eleventh birthday, and grumbling incoherently to himself. Eddie hated when he was grounded. He wasn’t popular, no, but he knew enough people to know that his groundings were not of the typical fashion. When he was grounded, it meant he was grounded.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said that it would be a few days before the next chapter came out, but I seemed to have had an epiphany and wrote this while I was at work. 
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> ~ valor

Much to Eddie’s expectations, his next week would be spent sulking on his bed, glaring at the glow-in-the-dark stars Richie had gotten him for his eleventh birthday, and grumbling incoherently to himself. Eddie hated when he was grounded. He wasn’t popular, no, but he knew enough people to know that his groundings were not of the typical fashion. When he was grounded, it meant he was grounded. 

The first day was always the easiest. Eddie knew this. That was why he was very much not looking forward to the rest of the week. He was miserable, tens of hundreds of thoughts rumbling in his head, and the glow-in-the-dark stars were not enough to distract him. His room was too quiet. 

While he was grounded, Eddie was only allowed to leave his room for meals and bathroom breaks. Eddie had never really thought anything of it until Richie told him how awful it was. He had said that when he was grounded he wasn’t allowed certain toys and games, but he was allowed to leave his room. After a brief survey, the Losers came to the conclusion that Eddie’s mother was, for lack of better verbiage, a bitch. 

Eddie scowled at the ceiling for a few more moments, shooting dull waves of anger throughout his body. He let out a groan, flopping his arms out dramatically. Sitting up, Eddie began mumbling to himself in irritation. He stood up, still mumbling, and began blindly feeling under his bed. His hand hit a box, and he painfully tried to pull it out. Shaking his arm out for relief, he put the small box on his bed and sat down next to it. 

Eddie carefully opened the box, which was just a really old shoebox, and inspected its contents. On his tenth birthday, Richie had secretly gotten him two presents, one of which his parents hadn’t known he had bought. Richie had said something about holding in emotions and how writing in a journal helped him sometimes. He’d given the gift in the unwrapped shoebox. They’d been under a tree. 

Eddie pulled out the notebook, a simple white composition notebook, and one of the several pens he had collected. The front cover of the notebook held a mess of doodles and phrases, Richie having insisted that they decorate it. In the bottom right corner, a scribbled “R + E” was surrounded by a squiggly circle and stars. Richie’s handwriting hadn’t evolved much.

Eddie shifted so that he was leaning against his pillow, knees bent to make a makeshift tilted table. He flipped to a blank page, wrote the date, and put pen to paper to write what he was feeling. The only problem was that Eddie wasn’t really sure what he was feeling. His hand hovered for a few more seconds, and when he couldn’t think of the words he needed, he put the pen down next to him. 

What was he feeling? He felt angry, but angry didn’t sound quite right. He felt embarrassed, but about what he wasn’t exactly sure. He felt a mystery soup of emotions, and he was certainly not a professional chef. He let his head hit the wall behind him, closing his eyes with a huff. 

He felt like Schrödinger’s Loser. He was feeling tens of emotions and yet he felt none at all. He had millions of thoughts and yet his mind was blank. Maybe if he just didn’t try to focus on it, he would find some clarity. Maybe it was the fact that he was actively searching for these thoughts and feelings that he couldn’t seem to recognize any of them. 

He forced himself to open his eyes and put the notebook and pen back in its shoebox, sliding it under his bed. He flopped himself down on his back, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. Richie had saved up for weeks to be able to buy them. His mother had told him that she would buy them, but Richie had been determined to buy those stars himself if it was the last thing he ever did. At least, that’s what he had said while they were haphazardly sticking them to the ceiling later that night. 

Eddie told himself to focus. Richie had nothing to do with the things he was feeling. It wasn’t like any of this was Richie’s fault! Eddie was sure that Richie would argue, but that didn’t matter. None of this was Richie’s fault. If only his mother weren’t so paranoid.


	7. SECOND DAY IN LOSER JAIL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie was laying on his bedroom floor, head propped up by a fist and legs bent in the air. His feet were crossed at the ankles, bobbing slightly. He had his notebook on the floor and a pen in hand, scribbling almost illegible words onto the page. His face was scrunched up, his focus strong.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y’all for being patient with me on this chapter! I know it took a few days, but I had to map out how I wanted to do the next few chapters in terms of plot.
> 
> I’m a little hesitant about this chapter for some reason, but as always I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ valor

Eddie was laying on his bedroom floor, head propped up by a fist and legs bent in the air. His feet were crossed at the ankles, bobbing slightly. He had his notebook on the floor and a pen in hand, scribbling almost illegible words onto the page. His face was scrunched up, his focus strong.

Eddie’s mother had always been excruciatingly protective over him, especially after his father died. Sure, Eddie knew that the experience must have been pretty unpleasant, but sometimes Eddie felt she was a bit too much. 

Everyone but the Losers thought that Eddie’s mother was just a typical helicopter mom, making him take vitamins every day and having him wear way too many layers when it was cold outside. Granted, the Losers knew things that everyone else didn’t, like the time his mother took him out of school for a whole week during flu season when he was in third grade. 

Eddie groaned as he documented how his mother forced him to keep the training wheels on his bike until he was eight. Unbeknownst to his mother, Richie had been letting Eddie practice on his bike since he was six. Sure, it had been a bit hard to explain the scrape on his arm from when he fell off that one time, but otherwise it had been an easily accomplished secret. 

When he was nine, him and Richie had been playing kingdom in his front yard. Richie had collected a good few sticks, stabbing them into a soft part of the yard and claiming them to be his people. He then repeated the action in a different part of the yard, only this time for Eddie. He’d then announced that they were both kings of rival kingdoms, for reasons he had refused to reveal. 

They found satisfactory sticks to use as swords, and then engaged in an exaggerated sword fight. Eddie wasn’t really sure how long they had been pretend fighting, but it seemed sooner than later that Richie became antsy and declared that they “change things up.” When asked how, he had simply held up a finger, telling Eddie to be patient. Eddie had huffed about it, but he hadn’t really minded all that much. 

Eddie had watched as Richie paced around, obviously thinking hard about what the two should do next. He was mumbling to himself, hands gesturing slightly, mouth moving as he breathed out words to himself. Eddie remembered how the sight had made him laugh, but not in the mean way. It was more in an admiring way, he supposed, though the word wasn’t quite right. 

Finally, Richie lifted a finger in the air with a theatrical “ah ha”, and ran right up to Eddie with a big grin. Eddie’s hand stopped, the recollection of how close Richie had stood and how he had grabbed Eddie’s hand making him falter in his writing. He tried to ignore how warm his ears got and continued writing, having momentarily forgotten that he was supposed to be describing how unusually protective his mother was. 

Richie had held Eddie’s hand, dramatically bowing. In his pretend king voice, still holding Eddie’s hand, he had said: “Someone from my kingdom needs to marry someone from yours so that we’ll be friends. Since we’re the only two playing, it has to be us.”

Eddie had looked at him sideways for a moment before nodding. “Okay! If you want.”

Richie’s smile got bigger, and he once again dramatically bowed. This time, however, he kissed the backside of Eddie’s hand, making Eddie squeak and pull back his hand. Richie had looked a little stunned, cheeks a bit red and eyes very wide. 

“Richie!” Eddie had whined. “Do you know how many germs your mouth probably has? A billion, at least!”

Richie had smiled again, laughing quietly as he stood up tall. “Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

Eddie stopped writing again, puffing his cheeks out and trying to ignore the flip of his stomach. Why was he feeling so embarrassed about it? It wasn’t like it was a bad memory, per se. Sure, it hadn’t ended too well, but he definitely didn’t categorize it as a bad memory. He didn’t even think it was embarrassing! If anything, he found it pretty funny.

After Richie had kissed Eddie’s hand, and after Eddie had complained about the germs, both of their parents had come out and subsequently scolded them. They said that it was unsanitary; that it wasn’t okay to do. Eddie hadn’t been too disappointed, seeing as he hadn’t had any intention of kissing Richie’s hand too.

Richie, on the other hand, hadn’t taken it as well. He hadn’t thrown a fit or anything, but his cheeks had been red and his fidgeting had been accompanied by furrowed eyebrows. He had even tried to argue for a bit, but there was no negotiating with their parents. They said their goodbyes and Eddie and his mother went back home. It had been dinner time, anyway. 

Eddie stopped writing again, though this time on purpose. He thought for a moment, chewing his bottom lip. He may have gone a bit off track, he supposed, but he’d still gotten his point across. Though it wasn’t his best example, he had to admit.

Eddie didn’t have time to mull it over any, sneaking a glance at the clock and noticing that it was quite close to ten. His mother would be telling him to get ready for bed any minute, Eddie reminded himself, and so he pushed himself up off the ground and put the notebook back in its box under his bed.


	8. THIRD DAY IN LOSER JAIL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie had been having a relatively okay day, considering that he was still grounded. He was not, however, very happy about what his day had come to. His mother had told him to wait on his bed after supper, saying that they needed to ‘have a talk.’ Eddie wasn’t exactly sure what said talk was going to be about, but he didn’t think it could be anything fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really hard to write, for some reason, so it took a little while to get it out. Thanks for being patient, I appreciate it! 
> 
> This chapter was also going to be of both the third and fourth days, but I wrote quite a bit and then couldn’t remember what my usual chapter length was. Hopefully this suffices!
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> ~ valor

Eddie had been having a relatively okay day, considering that he was still grounded. He was not, however, very happy about what his day had come to. His mother had told him to wait on his bed after supper, saying that they needed to “have a talk.” Eddie wasn’t exactly sure what said talk was going to be about, but he didn’t think it could be anything fun. 

After a good few minutes of sitting on his bed in silence, the door opened and his mother came inside. She was looking at him with her usual pitying expression, as if Eddie were a dying child in a hospital. She probably thought he was. 

“Now, Eddie,” she cooed as she closed the door, “I know you and the Toziers’ boy are good friends.”

Eddie played with his shirt hem, already disliking the direction his mother was going. “Yes?”

“I was serious about him not touching you.”

Eddie’s fists closed around his shirt fabric, not hiding his distress well. “Why?”

His mother crossed her arms, pursing her lips. “That child has always been a little troublemaker,” she said. “He’s practically Devil spawn now that he’s older.”

Eddie fought the urge to argue. He knew it would do him no good at all, and frankly he wanted to stay on his mother’s good side for the time being. Despite every muscle in his body telling him to do otherwise, he stayed quiet and listened.

“He’s going to hurt you, Eddie.” She cupped his face in her hands. “He probably already has!”

Eddie pushed her hands away. “He’s never hurt me, Ma.”

“Don’t lie to me, Eddie,” she snapped. “You can’t expect me to believe that heathen has never hurt you.”

“But he hasn’t!”

“That boy is entirely too dangerous,” his mother continued, “regardless of whether or not he’s hurt you.”

“He’s not, though!” He pulled on his shirt. “He’s not dangerous at all!”

His mother laughed harshly. “He’s reckless and irresponsible! He’s always getting into trouble!”

Eddie growled, which was a surprise even to him. He pulled on his shirt again. “Yeah, okay, he’s a little impulsive! But, Ma, he’s careful with me!”

There was a moment where his mother didn’t respond, as if the statement was beyond belief. “Careful? That boy hasn’t been careful a single moment in his life!”

Eddie felt the prickle of hot, angry tears threatening to fall. He knew that arguing back and forth wouldn’t do any good, but at the same time he couldn’t stand the things his mother was saying. Eddie wondered if he was the only one who could see that Richie was at the very least trying. He couldn’t understand how no one else could see it.

“Ma, he’s trying.”

“It doesn’t matter! What matters is that I say you two cannot act like that!”

“But why?”

His mother let out a breath, closing her eyes for a moment and pinching the bridge of her nose. “Eddie, how old are you?”

By the way his mother had paused, Eddie assumed that he was supposed to answer her. “Twelve.” He wasn’t too sure where she was going with the question.

“And how old is the Toziers’ boy?”

“Thirteen.” He knew better than to ask.

His mother crossed her arms, giving him a hard stare. “And he still acts like that? Eddie, dear, you’re too old to do those types of things.”

Eddie blinked at her, the gears turning in his head getting stuck. “What things?”

“Touching, Eddie.”

Eddie’s mouth felt glued shut. Maybe that was a good thing, he thought, because at least it stopped him from saying any of the dumb thoughts he was having. He was sure his mother wouldn’t appreciate any of them. He knew this, but what was so bad about what he was thinking? It didn’t seem very bad. 

Why? That was the first thought. Why was he too old? What determined the age? Didn’t girls his age still touch each other? He was fairly sure of it. Why was it different for him and Richie?

He liked touching Richie; That was the second thought. This thought made him feel a bit nervous, like he was about to present in front of his class. His ears were hot and his stomach was twisted, but he didn’t know why. He liked when Richie would lean on him, or throw his arm around him, or put his chin on top of his head and his arms around his neck.

What was so bad about him and Richie touching? That was the third thought. Sure, sometimes Richie would punch him or make him fall, but it was never to actually hurt him. At least, that’s what Eddie hoped. Richie always seemed so ashamed afterward. Eddie couldn’t think of any indication that Richie had ever hurt him on purpose.

The fourth thought was one that he didn’t really want to acknowledge, much like how he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge the threat his mother had made to Richie when she’d come to pick him up. This time, though, he was less sure of why he wanted to avoid it. It wasn’t anything bad, he knew. Regardless, he had a hard time entertaining the thought.

He wanted to touch Richie. They were best friends, after all; Touching was just something that best friends did. They hugged, and pushed each other, and punched each other, and messed with each other’s hair. Touching was just something that he and Richie did. It made him feel happy, though he knew that it wasn’t the most accurate descriptor. It let him know that he wasn’t alone; that Richie was there with him. 

Eddie decided that he was indeed very happy that his mouth wouldn’t open. He knew saying any one of those thoughts would only perpetuate the discussion, and frankly Eddie just wanted to go to bed. He really didn’t want to listen to his mother lecture him anymore. He knew that he wouldn’t agree with his mother and that his mother wouldn’t agree with him. It was so much smarter to just let the whole conversation end. 

He willed his mouth to open and whispered, “Okay.” His throat burned, and he wasn’t sure if he could keep the tears behind his eyes for much longer. He just wanted his mother to leave him alone. 

She kissed him on the forehead, telling him to get ready for bed, and left. Almost immediately, Eddie bounced up to close the door. He stared at the handle for a few seconds, hand hovering, before carefully turning the lock. Once again, he stared, and then he went to change.

He had barely managed to jump onto his bed before the pent up tears and suppressed anger began to spill out. He sat cross-legged, hands in his lap, face warm and cheeks wet. He felt strange. He knew that he was mad, but he didn’t have the energy to show it, even to himself. The only thing he could do was let the tears fall and stare at his bedsheets, unmoving.

Eddie forced himself to lay down, wiping his face and burying himself in his bedsheets. His stomach refused to settle and his tears refused to slow. He knew that he wasn’t mad at the actual punishment, but at the way his mother had talked about Richie. Richie was his best friend, he reasoned; That was plenty enough a reason to explain why he was crying about it.

Richie tried a lot, and Eddie knew it. Sure, Richie acted like he didn’t care, but Eddie knew that he did. What would his mother know? She was never with Richie long enough to know him, much less use his name. She didn’t know anything about Richie.

Despite wanting to feed his anger, Eddie tried to calm himself down. He was tired. He wanted to sleep. He could be angry at his mother in the morning, he reasoned. It took some time, but he eventually settled down enough to fall asleep.


	9. FOURTH DAY IN LOSER JAIL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie was sitting on his bed, pajamas still on and scribbling in his notebook. He had already eaten breakfast, and was currently transcribing the less-than-fun events of the prior evening. He was trying not to get too emotionally charged, but it was proving to be a more difficult feat than he had originally thought. It wasn’t long before angry tears threatened his eyes and he had to take a break.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If y’all haven’t noticed, I’m planning on doing a chapter per each day Eddie is grounded! I was gonna group up some of the days but I tend to write A Lot, and I’d prefer to have some spread out shorter chapters than a super long chapter.
> 
> As always, I hope you’re enjoying!
> 
> ~ valor

Eddie was sitting on his bed, pajamas still on and scribbling in his notebook. He had already eaten breakfast, and was currently transcribing the less-than-fun events of the prior evening. He was trying not to get too emotionally charged, but it was proving to be a more difficult feat than he had originally thought. It wasn’t long before angry tears threatened his eyes and he had to take a break.

He put away his notebook and sat with his knees hugged to his chest. He was trying not to get too angry at his mother. He knew that she only wanted what was best for him, but Eddie also knew that what his mother deemed the best was in fact possibly the worst. 

It wasn’t like Eddie couldn’t take care of himself; He very well could. He had taken care of his own cuts and scrapes before, with minimal help from anybody. He knew how to get to the pharmacy and the grocery and practically any other place in Derry that he might need to be. If for any reason Richie got him hurt or something, he’d be more than okay taking care of himself.

Eddie thought that it just wasn’t fair. How could his mother claim to know anything about Richie when she didn’t even know his name? Eddie knew Richie way better than his mother did. He knew that Richie wrote out math problems in the air with his finger. He knew that Richie’s favorite sound was the clacking of a keyboard. He knew that Richie’s least favorite sound was the clicking of a pen. He knew that Richie hated sitting still because it made his skin itch. He knew that Richie said so much because he wanted everyone else to know what he was thinking.

Eddie knew that Richie’s favorite color was dark blue. He knew that Richie’s favorite ice cream flavor was vanilla, even though he always said otherwise. He knew that Richie’s favorite movie was Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. He knew that Richie was most ticklish on the back of his neck. He knew that Richie wanted desperately to learn how to ride a skateboard. 

Eddie knew all of this and more. What did his mother know; that Richie’s last name was Tozier? He didn’t care what his mother said; He knew Richie, and he knew that Richie wasn’t going to put him in any life-threatening danger. Eddie didn’t care what his mother said; He’d touch Richie as much as he pleased. 

The thought of deliberately going against his mother’s orders made his stomach do a flip. It was the kind of flip that happened when you were on that first incline of a roller coaster. It wasn’t good, but it also wasn’t bad. The feeling wasn’t one that he was accustomed to, and he found that he quite liked it. It was exciting, the feeling. He’d spent so long being overly precautious that it felt nice to just do what he wanted. Well, it felt nice thinking of doing what he wanted. Of course, actually doing what he wanted would be something of a different challenge. 

Eddie just couldn’t understand why him and Richie touching was a bad thing. Didn’t it mean that they were friends? Didn’t it mean that they were comfortable with each other? Didn’t it mean that they cared about each other? Eddie was fairly sure the answer to each of those questions was: yes, it did. Why else would they be touching? Sure, if they hated each other, they could be punching each other, but that was about it. Plus, him and Richie weren’t punching each other; at least not seriously.

God forbid I catch you on top of him like that again. That’s what his mother had said. Eddie entertained the possibility of Richie being on top of him again, except this time without his mother catching them. What would that be like, he wondered. It wasn’t like he thought that it would happen again, he was just curious. What would have led to it? How long would it last? Eddie didn’t know. 

What Eddie did know, however, was that his ears were burning hot. He pressed his palms to them, as if that would help anything, and then went back to hugging his knees. It was dumb, Eddie thought, that he wasn’t supposed to be affectionate to his best friend. Why would giving affection be a bad thing? Eddie didn’t know.

What he did know was that he was sick and tired of being grounded. He wanted to go play in a field or climb a tree, not sit in his room. He was also itching to hug Richie, if only in spite of his mother’s orders. He knew that Richie would be proud of him for disobeying her. He also knew that Richie would jokingly make a big deal out of it to the other Losers. Richie was just like that.

Eddie made a silent agreement with himself to finish documenting in his journal after he got dressed, and got up to change. He was starting to get restless. He had thought that Richie was being dramatic when he’d said sitting still made his skin itch, but Eddie was sure that he understood now.


	10. FIFTH DAY IN LOSER JAIL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Two days. That’s what Eddie kept reminding himself. He only had two more days until he was ungrounded. He only had two more days until he could play outside. He only had two more days until he got to hang out with the Losers again. The excitement was just enough to keep him awake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! Just so you know, I’ll be posting two chapters today! I would have made them on the same chapter but I felt like it was clunky going from one part to the next! I know that the chapters seem to be getting shorter, but I promise once the next subplot starts up, it’ll be back to longer chapters!
> 
> As always I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ valor

Two days. That’s what Eddie kept reminding himself. He only had two more days until he was ungrounded. He only had two more days until he could play outside. He only had two more days until he got to hang out with the Losers again. The excitement was just enough to keep him awake.

It was about eleven, Eddie would have guessed, and he hadn’t slept for even a moment. He was too preoccupied by thoughts of his friends to sleep. Or, rather, a specific friend. He had been thinking about Richie a lot lately, but then again why wouldn’t he be? Richie was part of the reason he was grounded; not that Eddie blamed him at all.

Eddie and Richie had always been fairly close. Sure, Richie was always pestering him, but it was never anything that Eddie couldn’t handle. The only reason Eddie didn’t return the jokes was because he didn’t really know how to. He wasn’t very good at being funny, he didn’t think. Maybe he could ask Richie about it once he was ungrounded.

It was odd, Eddie thought, how much he liked Richie. Richie was annoying and pushy and immature, but none of that really changed Eddie’s image of him. Plus, Richie had become a bit more bearable as they’d gotten older; though the mom jokes weren’t Eddie’s favorite. It was more so how Richie acted when they were alone that really made Eddie like him. He was still pushy and immature, but it was softer somehow. At least, that’s what Eddie thought.

When the two were alone, Richie didn’t talk quite as much. He was still talkative, but it was more of a conversation type of talkative than a rambling type. He still told jokes, but not quite as many. His voice seemed softer and not as loud; probably because he knew he didn’t have to fight for anyone’s attention. Plus, Eddie would happily listen to Richie tell him stories and things he’d missed out on. Richie always talked with a certain energy that made him fun to listen to. He always sounded like he knew what he was talking about, even when he didn’t. 

Eddie just really liked Richie. He didn’t know how to explain it, but he just felt warm when he was with him. It was a little different from the other Losers, but he was sure it was because him and Richie were together more. It made sense, didn’t it? Eddie thought so. 

Eddie was also just a bit more comfortable with Richie in general. He was usually extremely picky about being touched, but with Richie it didn’t seem like such a big deal. Sure, he still had his limits, but he let Richie touch him way more than he let anyone else. He didn’t really know how to justify it, especially considering that Richie was probably way more unsanitary than the other Losers, but he didn’t dwell on it. Some things just didn’t have definite answers. 

Eddie knew that he needed to sleep, but he just couldn’t stop thinking long enough. He had too many thoughts bumping around in his head, most of them having to do with Richie. He really wanted to see him, but it felt like he wouldn’t be able to wait another two days. He’d never been this eager for the end of a grounding, Eddie didn’t think, and frankly it was getting to him. He just wanted to see his friends again. 

It actually surprised Eddie that none of them had come to check on him. He wouldn’t have been able to talk to them anyway, but usually they at least asked his mother about him. Richie hadn’t even attempted to sneak into his room, a challenge that he accepted more often than not. It didn’t necessarily bother Eddie, at least not that much. He knew that just because they hadn’t come by didn’t mean that they didn’t care about him. 

Eddie wondered what all he was missing, staying in his room all day. Had the Losers gone on any adventures? Had they gotten in trouble? Had they gotten hurt? The answer to all of those questions, Eddie knew, was probably yes. Even though Eddie hated being in trouble, it didn’t change the fact that Eddie wished he was with them. Being with the Losers was a lot more fun than being by himself in his room.

Eddie tried convincing himself to go to sleep. He knew that the faster he fell asleep, the faster it would feel that he was ungrounded. Plus, he was tired. He hadn’t done much but lay on his bed and staring at the ceiling, but he was exhausted nonetheless. He really hated being grounded.

Eddie took a breath, running his hand through his hair. He needed to stop thinking, and he knew it. If he didn’t stop thinking about Richie and the Losers, he’d never get to sleep. Luckily, it was starting to get harder to think. Part of him was annoyed at this, but overall he knew it meant that he’d at least fall asleep sooner than later.


	11. SIXTH DAY IN LOSER JAIL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie didn’t feel so good. He wasn’t sick; He just felt bad. He didn’t want to get up from his bed or even read. He just wanted to lay in his bed forever. He hadn’t slept very well the night before, and he barely had enough of a will to get up to eat breakfast. Nonetheless, he forced himself out of bed and padded into the kitchen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! I told y’all I’d be posting twice today! I hope this chapter doesn’t seem too clunky in terms of the flow of things. I wanted to give y’all a longer chapter as well as speed up getting to the next subplot, since I know y’all have been really patient with me.
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ valor

Eddie didn’t feel so good. He wasn’t sick; He just felt bad. He didn’t want to get up from his bed or even read. He just wanted to lay in his bed forever. He hadn’t slept very well the night before, and he barely had enough of a will to get up to eat breakfast. Nonetheless, he forced himself out of bed and padded into the kitchen.

He ate a very slow bowl of cereal, still extremely groggy, and then went back to his room to crash. He ended up just falling face first onto his bed, half of his body not even on the mattress. It took a few minutes and some self control for him to properly climb back into bed. He still had a few hours until his mother would wake up, he reasoned; He could curl up under his covers for just a bit longer.

He must have dozed off, because soon enough his mother was waking him up. He still felt pretty gross, but he forced himself to get up and change into some clothes. He was laying on the floor with a toy car haphazardly balanced on his stomach when his door opened. 

“Eddie, dear, get up. I have to run a few errands.”

Eddie sat himself up with surprising difficulty. “Can’t I just stay here?”

His mother shook her head. “Not while you’re grounded, you can’t.”

Eddie let out a breath. “Okay.”

His mother, seemingly satisfied, left Eddie to do whatever it was that she did to prepare for running errands. Eddie put on socks and shoes as fast as his tired hands would allow, and secured his fanny pack in place while waiting by the front door. He rocked back and forth, fiddling with the zipper.

Once his mother was ready to leave, he hopped into the car and fastened his seatbelt. Preparing for the boring ride, he propped his elbow on the window and rested his cheek on his fist. Maybe he’d see one of the Losers on the way. It wasn’t too unlikely, as most of them got up around the same time Eddie did, but he didn’t let his hopes get too high up.

Eddie watched the plain landscape as his mother drove, barely awake enough to process where they were going. Soon enough, they stopped at the pharmacy. He looked at his mother expectantly, and she told him that he had to go in with her.

Grumbling, he got out of the car and walked in with his mother. He kept his head down, not wanting to make any unnecessary eye contact. Soon enough, though, he saw another pair of shoes in front of his. 

He looked up, being greeted by a smiling Beverly. He took a quick glance at his mother, who was a few feet away at the counter, and smiled back. 

“Hey Bev,” he said quietly. “What are you doing?”

Beverly shrugged. “Just picking some things up. You? Richie told us you got grounded.”

Eddie nodded. “I am. I did.” He looked at his mother again. “She said I couldn’t stay at home.”

“Oh. That’s some real bullshit.”

“Yeah.”

“So, why’d you get grounded?” Beverly rolled her eyes, adding: “Richie wouldn’t tell us what happened.”

Eddie shifted his weight, raising an eyebrow. “He wouldn’t?”

“Nope.” She laughed. “Absolutely refused.”

“Oh, well,” Eddie started playing with the zipper of his fanny pack, “we were just bein’ rowdy. Ma didn’t like it.”

Beverly laughed again. “Aren’t you two always rowdy?”

Eddie shrugged. “I guess it was different this time. Ma said something about us bein’ too old.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. She said we couldn’t be roughhousing anymore.”

Beverly crossed her arms, but didn’t respond. She pointed behind Eddie, and he looked to see his mother finishing up at the counter. “See ya, Eddie,” she said, turning into another isle.

Eddie huffed, not ready for the exchange to end so soon. At least now he had something to occupy his mind. Why hadn’t Richie told them what had happened? It wasn’t that hard to say, Eddie didn’t think. Maybe he just felt bad, Eddie reasoned. He was sure Richie blamed himself, so it made at least some sense. 

He walked back to the car with his mother, hoping that she didn’t have anywhere else to go. Of course, he had hoped wrong, and his mother told him that she needed to buy groceries. She had been kind enough to let Eddie stay in the car. 

He tapped on his legs, humming a random tune. His previous fatigue returned, and he desperately wanted to close his eyes for a few minutes. He didn’t really trust sleeping alone in a car, though, so he did his best to keep his eyes from blinking too long. Was sleeping just one long blink?

He looked out the window, still tapping and humming, watching as people went in and out of the grocery. He recognized all of them but knew none of them. Derry was weird like that; It was small enough that you knew everyone’s face but big enough that you didn’t know their names. 

He watched for a couple of minutes. At one point, he made eye contact with a little girl. He smiled instinctively, and she waved at him. He waved back, and the interaction was over. He continued tapping his legs, every so often glancing up to see if his mother was coming back.

After what felt like hours, Eddie saw his mother come out of the grocery. He hated going on errands like this. He much preferred to stay home. He knew better than to complain, though. He didn’t want to get in any more trouble than he already had.

The drive home felt impossibly long. It felt even longer when he had to help his mother put the groceries away. Sure, he always helped, but this time he hadn’t wanted to. Still, he reasoned, just because he was irritated didn’t mean that he wouldn’t be helpful. Plus, things got put away much faster when he helped. 

Once Eddie was able to go back into his room, he had remembered his exhaustion and desperately wanted to take a nap. He knew Richie would make fun of him, but he didn’t really care. He was just really tired. He compromised with himself, agreeing to read while laying on his bed. Sure, it was what he normally did, but it was a compromise nonetheless.


	12. LAST DAY IN LOSER JAIL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The day was going by way too slow for Eddie’s liking. It was his last day being grounded, and all he wanted was for it to be over. He wanted to go outside. He wanted to see his friends. He didn’t want to be stuck inside his bedroom anymore. He didn’t want to be alone anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! I know this chapter is uber short, but again, they’ll get longer again once I get to the next subplot! Thank y’all for sticking with me, I appreciate all of y’all!
> 
> Also, if there’s any glaring mistakes in this one, please let me know! I did this one kinda tired and with a bit of a headache. Whoops!
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ valor

The day was going by way too slow for Eddie’s liking. It was his last day being grounded, and all he wanted was for it to be over. He wanted to go outside. He wanted to see his friends. He didn’t want to be stuck inside his bedroom anymore. He didn’t want to be alone anymore.

Eddie didn’t understand why his mother had to be so overdramatic. Him and Richie hadn’t done anything wrong, he didn’t think. Adults were weird like that, he supposed. They thought into things so much that they completely missed what was actually happening. He hoped that he didn’t end up like that when he was an adult.

Eddie decided that a good distraction to his not-so fun thoughts would be writing in his notebook for a little while. Sure, he always ended up writing about his friends, but that in itself was a fairly pleasing activity. Sometimes, he would even doodle in the margins or between the paragraphs, or even at the end of a page. It was quite soothing, Eddie thought, despite knowing that his doodle capabilities would never match that of Richie’s. 

Richie was extremely good at drawing; At least, that’s what Eddie thought. Eddie loved getting personalized cards from him, as did all the other Losers. On every one of them, he would cram the inside with doodles and little quips. Eddie found it extremely endearing. He even had a special place where he kept all of them; in the shoebox with his notebook.

Eddie’s favorite drawings were the ones that came with his birthday cards. Richie would include a drawing of Eddie that took up most of the inside cover of the card. It always had little stars around it with dumb little phrases that always made Eddie giggle. He absolutely loved them, and he wished that he could do something like that for Richie, but Eddie didn’t think he was good enough of a drawer. He supposed that it wouldn’t hurt to try, though.

Eddie also loved when the two would work on math homework together. They would trade papers to check each other’s work, and by the time Eddie got his paper back, it was riddled with doodles. Richie always seemed a bit embarrassed about it, apologizing and saying that he hadn’t really been paying attention to the fact that he was doing it. Of course, Eddie always told him it was fine. He wouldn’t admit just how much he enjoyed the doodles, though. Richie would never let him live it down if he did. 

Eddie took a breath, his stomach rumbling. He didn’t exactly know what time it was, but he decided that it didn’t really matter. He got up from his spot on the floor, carefully putting his notebook back in its shoebox and sliding it back under his bed. He padded to the kitchen, hoping that his mother wouldn’t get too mad at him for eating a snack without asking for permission.

He checked the time, and deciding that it wasn’t too close to lunch, started searching the cabinets for something that wouldn’t draw too much attention. He settled on just grabbing some crackers, and took them back to his room. He sat back down on the floor, got his notebook out, and doodled haphazardly at the bottom of the page while absentmindedly eating his crackers.

His doodles were mostly random shapes and little flowers, but it kept him occupied nonetheless. Besides, he wasn’t exactly sure what else to write about. He’d already exhausted the topic of drawings, and he couldn’t think of much else at the moment. The only other thing on his mind was seeing his friends the next day. 

Eddie decided that he didn’t want to think about them anymore, not wanting to get himself down. He put his notebook away, having finished his crackers, and grabbed a book from the bookshelf. He sat on his bed, opened the book, and attempted to read. His heart really wasn’t in it, but it was better than staring at a wall for two hours. Or, was it? He wasn’t exactly sure at that point. Regardless, he kept his focus on the book in his lap and hoped that the next few hours would go by faster.


	13. FREE AT LAST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie slowly blinked his eyes open, stretching from under his bedsheets. He yawned, then sat up and rubbed his eyes. Eddie froze for a moment, a grin spreading across his face. He wasn’t grounded anymore. He hopped out of bed and slid into the kitchen, eating a quick bowl of cereal before going back to his room. He quickly changed into some clothes; his track shorts and a t-shirt. He already had socks on, so he shoved his feet into his sneakers and very hastily secured his fanny pack to his waist.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya folks! I had an epiphany, like I always do when I update, and I wrote this chapter! I feel like I’m gonna be on a roll today, so there could quite possibly be a second update later today!
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ valor

Eddie slowly blinked his eyes open, stretching from under his bedsheets. He yawned, then sat up and rubbed his eyes. Eddie froze for a moment, a grin spreading across his face. He wasn’t grounded anymore. He hopped out of bed and slid into the kitchen, eating a quick bowl of cereal before going back to his room. He quickly changed into some clothes; his track shorts and a t-shirt. He already had socks on, so he shoved his feet into his sneakers and very hastily secured his fanny pack to his waist.

He ran to the kitchen, kissing his mother on the cheek and telling her that he was going outside. Before she had any time to say anything, Eddie had already slammed the front door shut and grabbed his bike. He inelegantly began peddling, all of his pent up energy finally having an outlet. He couldn’t remember the last time he had ridden his bike so fast. In fact, he was probably putting himself in quite a bit of danger, but Eddie couldn’t find it in himself to care. 

He rode toward the Barrens and their hideout, eager to see his friends again. By the time he got to his destination, his legs were wobbly and he was out of breath. A few moments after he hopped off of his bike, he remembered that he did in fact have asthma. He took a puff from his inhaler as he entered their hideout. 

“Hey, guys!” He called as he walked in, putting his inhaler away. “I’m back.”

“About time,” Beverly said, smiling from her beanbag chair. “You good?”

Eddie nodded. “Did I miss anything?”

“Not really,” Mike said with a shrug, also on a beanbag chair. “We went swimming a few days ago, but that’s pretty much it.”

Eddie sat down in one of the vacant beanbag chairs, smile plastered to his face. Ben and Bill were at their makeshift desk, a few books open on the table. They looked like textbooks. Stan was sitting in a stool by the hammock, said hammock being occupied by Richie. 

“So, what happened?” Mike asked. “Richie won’t tell us.”

Richie made a noise. “I did tell you guys what happened!”

“Yeah,” Stan monotoned, “you told us that he got in trouble. You wouldn’t say why.”

Eddie laughed, tilting his head at Richie. “It wasn’t that bad, Richie. If it’s just ‘cause you feel bad about it; It’s fine.”

Richie shook his head, not looking at Eddie. “No, I just don’t see why it matters.”

Eddie’s smile faltered. “What’d’ya mean?”

Richie shrugged, but didn’t say anything. The rest of them looked at Eddie, who said: “We were just wrestlin’, s’all.”

Richie’s face turned a shade of pink, his arms crossed over his chest. Stan flicked his foot, saying that he didn’t need to be such a drama queen. Richie kicked at his hand, but laughed nonetheless. They started talking about everything and nothing; just little nonsensical things that didn’t take too much effort to think about. Eddie was thoroughly enjoying it.

Soon, the idea of going swimming was brought up, and most of them agreed that it was a good plan. Bill had to go watch Georgie at home, and Ben and Mike had agreed to go to the library together to do some research, so the only Losers left were Eddie, Richie, Beverly, and Stan. 

Eddie and Beverly sat with their feet in the water, Richie ruthlessly splashing Stan in the face. Stan pushed Richie, making him fall backward into the water. He laughed when Richie resurfaced, Richie feigning anger and slapping the water. Eddie hid his giggling behind his hand, Beverly shaking her head with a smile. 

“So,” Beverly said quietly, “You’re not upset with Richie?”

Eddie furrowed his eyebrows, shaking his head. “No. Why would I be?”

Beverly shrugged. “Richie thinks it’s his fault that you got in trouble.”

“No,” Eddie said, watching as Richie spit water at Stan. “No, it’s not his fault.”

Beverly hummed, leaning back on her elbows. “Richie’s been real touchy about it,” she said after a while. 

“Really?”

“Yeah.” She laughed, eyes closed. “Got mad anytime we asked about it.”

“Oh.” Eddie looked at his feet in the water. “Should I do something?”

“I’d say: Just make sure to talk with him at some point. You know how Richie is.”

Eddie nodded slowly, his eyes finding their way back to Richie. He was currently trying not to get pushed underwater by Stan again. His face was red from exertion, and his glasses were resting at the tip of his nose, barely staying on his face. Stan stopped pushing him, and Richie started walking toward him and Beverly. Richie didn’t so much as look at Eddie, tossing this glasses by Beverly once he’d gotten close enough. 

“Hey, Bev,” he called, “watch my glasses.”

Beverly gave him a thumbs up, and Richie went back to fighting with Stan. Eddie tried ignoring the weird feeling in his stomach. He reminded himself that Richie probably felt bad about him getting in trouble, even if he didn’t say so. Still, Eddie found that the feeling was just strong enough to be uncomfortable. He hugged his knees to his chest. 

“You good?” Beverly asked. 

Eddie nodded weakly. Beverly didn’t seem to believe him, sitting up and wrapping her arms around him. Eddie wasn’t sure if he liked the contact, but then again who was he to complain. He supposed it was making him feel better, anyway.

Beverly hummed. “What’re you thinkin’ about?”

“Dunno,” Eddie said quietly after a moment.

“I can tell that something’s bothering you.”

Eddie let out a breath. “I really don’t know.”

Beverly was quiet, swaying them ever so slightly. “He’s not mad at you, Eddie.”

“I know,” he lied.

“It’s Richie,” she said with a laugh. “He’s scared that you’re gonna be mad at him.”

Eddie didn’t respond for a good while, eyes following Richie. A different feeling washed over him. His ears were warm, and he could feel his heart beating. Was he having an asthma attack?

“He is?”

Beverly laughed again. “Of course he is! You’re his best friend!”

Eddie frowned. “I don’t know.”

“What?” Beverly let go of him. “Eddie, Richie hasn’t shut up to me about you since I’ve met him.”

Eddie’s ears grew warmer, and his stomach flipped. “I doubt that,” he said with a weak laugh. 

Beverly huffed, but didn’t say anything. She laid down, draping her arm over her eyes. Eddie kept his eyes glued to Richie, not so much on purpose as absentmindedly. That feeling that he was slowly starting to get used to bubbled aggressively in his stomach, his ears too hot to ignore.


	14. ASSURANCES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It was starting to get dark, Eddie, Richie, Beverly, and Stan readying themselves to leave from the hideout. They all grabbed their bikes, Eddie making sure his fanny pack was secured. Stan was the first to ride off, waving as he left. Beverly and Richie were about to start peddling, saying their goodbyes, when Eddie remembered what Beverly had told him to do. Without even thinking, Eddie grabbed Richie’s arm.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! I hope this chapter doesn’t seem too off. I wrote it yesterday but I was hesitant to post it! I’ll definitely revamp it if y’all think it’s a bit off. 
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ valor

It was starting to get dark, Eddie, Richie, Beverly, and Stan readying themselves to leave from the hideout. They all grabbed their bikes, Eddie making sure his fanny pack was secured. Stan was the first to ride off, waving as he left. Beverly and Richie were about to start peddling, saying their goodbyes, when Eddie remembered what Beverly had told him to do. Without even thinking, Eddie grabbed Richie’s arm. 

“Can you stay for a second?” Eddie asked, trying to ignore the way Richie had jolted. 

Richie didn’t look at him. “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

Beverly hopped onto her bike, waving as she peddled off. Richie was fidgeting with his shirt buttons, staring at the ground. He shouldn’t find the action endearing, Eddie told himself, but he couldn’t help it. He put his bike down and pointed his thumb at the door. 

“We can go inside,” Eddie said, “since it’s dark.”

Richie only nodded, following Eddie into the hideout. Eddie didn’t bother going to sit down; He just wanted to have a short chat. It wouldn’t take too long. He found himself playing with the zipper on his fanny pack. 

“You know I’m not mad at you, right?” Eddie said bluntly, deciding to get straight to the point. 

Richie nodded, still fidgeting. “Yeah,” he said, voice off. 

“It wasn’t your fault, Richie,” Eddie said. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Richie tensed, pushing his glasses back up. He didn’t say anything for a while, though he looked like he was thinking. He let out a puff of air. “I’ll be more careful.”

Eddie shook his head. “What? No, Richie. That’s not at all what I’m saying.”

“I know.”

Neither boy spoke. Eddie was more so confused than anything, except for maybe worried. He examined his best friend; his wind-dried hair, his fidgeting fingers, his magnified eyes. He remembered that night when they’d talked about sharing a bed. Richie looked the same as he had then. 

“Did something happen? Are you okay?”

Eddie reached out to hold Richie’s arm, but Richie flinched and hugged his arm to his chest before he could. Eddie pulled his hand back, watching Richie’s face. He looked conflicted. 

“Richie?”

There was a pause. “Yeah?”

“Richie, I don’t give a fuck what my mom says.” He took a breath, heart racing. “She’s not gonna stop us from touching each other.”

Richie flinched again. “Don’t say it like that,” he said weakly. “It doesn’t sound right.”

Eddie tilted his head. “What? Why?”

“You really are innocent, huh Eds?”

“This isn’t funny, Richie; Just tell me why.”

Richie looked at him, distress clear in his features. “It makes it sound like we- like we’re- y’know.”

Eddie shook his head. “No, I don’t know.”

“Boys aren’t supposed to touch each other, Eddie!” Richie was hugging himself. “We’re not supposed to touch each other!”

“Well, I don’t see why,” Eddie said, hands on his hips. “How come girls can touch each other?”

Richie’s voice faltered, his eyebrows furrowed. Eddie waited for a response; even the smallest of reactions. Richie didn’t seem to have one. Eddie remembered that it was probably dark already.

“We’re good, right?” Eddie asked. “We’re okay?”

After a moment, Richie nodded. Eddie smiled, grabbing Richie’s wrist and beginning to walk to the door. This time, Richie didn’t pull away. It made that feeling bubble up inside of his stomach again. He needed to figure out what that feeling was, he told himself. 

“Good,” he said, “because I don’t think I could stand it if we weren’t.”

Richie’s cheeks were a shade of pink, a small smile on his lips. “Yeah.”


	15. HAMMOCKS AND ASTHMA ATTACKS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie was sitting in bed, lights out and nighttime routine complete. His stomach was still bubbling with that unnamed feeling, and it was certainly making it hard to fall asleep. He ran a hand through his hair, letting out a puff of air. He needed to figure out what this feeling was quickly, or else he thought he might explode.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES A VAGUE DESCRIPTION OF A PANIC ATTACK! BE SAFE YALL!
> 
> Heya!! I wrote this today, with the help of a lovely friend of mine, and I’m very eager to get it out to y’all.
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ valor

Eddie was sitting in bed, lights out and nighttime routine complete. His stomach was still bubbling with that unnamed feeling, and it was certainly making it hard to fall asleep. He ran a hand through his hair, letting out a puff of air. He needed to figure out what this feeling was quickly, or else he thought he might explode.

Eddie didn’t understand much about the feeling. He was sure that it was only happening with Richie, which was at least something. He was also aware that the feeling was a close neighbor to admiration, but it just didn’t seem quite right. It made his ears burn and his heart race, but he just didn’t know what it was. 

Eddie let his mind wander, hoping that maybe some light would be shed on what the feeling meant. His thoughts were stuck on Richie, his stomach flipping. He pulled his knees to his chest, resting his forehead on them and closing his eyes. Maybe Richie would know what the feeling meant, he told himself. He would need to ask him about it the next day, he decided.

Eddie wondered if Richie ever felt this feeling. He wondered if maybe it was just something that happened once you got old enough. Maybe it was just that he was getting closer to turning thirteen, he thought. Again, he told himself that he would have to ask Richie about it.

Eddie played with the idea of Richie feeling that feeling, the thought making his stomach churn and his heart race. It wasn’t that the feeling was bad; Eddie thought it felt quite nice, in a way. It made him feel jittery, sure, but there was just something about it that made it feel good. Part of him hoped that he made Richie feel like that.

Actually, Eddie realized, all of him hoped that he made Richie feel like that. The mere thought was enough to make the feeling bubble aggressively in his stomach, a smile tugging at his lips. His ears were burning, and he could hear his heart beating loudly. What in the world was he feeling, he wondered.

“Fuck,” he whispered, pulse loud in his ears. “Fuck.”

He sat with his head on his knees and his eyes closed until the feeling started to fade. He laid himself down, pulling his bedsheets over his shoulders. He let out a long breath, curling into a loose ball and hugging his arms to his chest. The pressure helped him relax, and soon he was drifting off to sleep. 

The next morning, he got up out of bed and padded into the kitchen. It was amazing to him that he didn’t get sick of eating cereal every morning. Regardless, he ate a bowl of cereal, got changed into some clothes, and left for their hideout. He was so eager that he almost forgot to kiss his mother goodbye.

As it turned out, the only three Losers who weren’t being dragged off by their parents to do something were Eddie, Richie, and Stan. He found this out by walking in and only seeing the other two; Richie on the hammock and Stan in a beanbag chair. Richie waved at him, a big smile on his face, as Eddie walked over.

“Hey, Eds! Hammock?”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Don’t call me that.”

Without another word, he hopped onto the hammock opposite of Richie, the latter bending his knees. Eddie had both of his legs straight, feet resting at Richie’s sides. Richie’s cheeks had turned a light shade of red, and he pushed up his glasses while diverting his eyes. Stan laughed, which earned him a glare from Richie. 

“Shut it, Staniel.”

Eddie snorted. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Well, my Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie said, hands resting on Eddie’s shins, “everyone else has shit that they gotta be at.”

Eddie scrunched his nose. “Don’t call me that, either.”

“Oh, you know you love it,” Richie said in a teasing voice. 

Eddie felt that feeling bubble up again, his ears growing warm. “Not really,” he lied. 

Stan started talking about the birds he had seen earlier that morning, showing the other two boys his journal. It had cut out pictures of birds pasted onto the pages, little descriptions written off to the sides. Eddie had a hard time paying attention, though, because all he could focus on was Richie’s hands on his legs. 

He was painfully aware of them, the feeling in his stomach set to a low simmer. He tried to ignore how hot his ears felt. He mentally chastised himself. This wasn’t anything special, he reminded himself; They did these sorts of things all the time. Eddie still couldn’t shake the feeling.

Once Stan had finished showing them his journal, the three boys talked about everything and nothing. This included comics they had read, movies they wanted to go see, and even a little bit of gossip. Of course, they wouldn’t actually call it gossip, but that was essentially what it was, wasn’t it?

It was an hour or so until noon, when Stan announced that he was heading home. He said that he would be coming back in a few hours, as would most of the rest of the Losers. Once Stan had left, Eddie and Richie sat in a comfortable silence that Eddie really didn’t want to break. 

“Hey, Richie?” Eddie asked finally.

“What’s up, Eds?” He had his arms folded on his stomach, eyes closed.

Eddie ignored the nickname. “Do you ever get this weird feeling in your stomach? Like, it’s jittery and stuff.”

Richie tilted his head, opening his eyes. “Huh?”

“Like, you heart starts beating really fast and your ears get hot.”

Richie put his fingers on his chin, theatrically thinking. “Well, my ears don’t get hot, but, yeah? I guess so. Why?”

Eddie shrugged, feeling his ears burn. “I dunno. I was just wondering.”

Richie smiled mischievously. “Ooh, does Eddie like a girl?” He cooed, poking at Eddie’s legs. 

Eddie crossed his arms, huffing. “No! Stop playing around, Richie. I’m being serious!”

Richie smiled again, but more genuine this time. “So am I, Eds. Mostly.” He tapped on Eddie’s leg. “It’s what happens when you like a girl.”

Eddie frowned. That didn’t seem quite right. “Are you sure? I don’t think I like a girl.”

Richie shrugged. “Dunno, then. Maybe you’re having a heart attack.”

Eddie slapped Richie’s foot. “Stop that! It’s not funny.”

Richie laughed, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “Okay, okay. I’ll stop.”

Eddie didn’t say anything, though he didn’t really understand why. He found himself just wanting to look at Richie’s face; to examine him. He noticed Richie’s cheeks turn a shade of red, and he laughed again, only this time weaker. He pushed his glasses back up from where they’d slid down his nose.

“I won’t make fun of you,” Richie said, looking away. “If you like a girl, I mean.”

Eddie frowned. “Richie, I already told you: I don’t.”

Richie raised an eyebrow. “Dude, that’s literally what happens when you have a crush.”

Eddie opened his mouth to argue, but then his brain put the pieces together and all he got out was a choking noise. Richie shot upright, asking him if he was okay. Eddie shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut and bringing his knees to his chest. He felt ill; He was lightheaded, dizzy, and he wanted to throw up. His ears burned and his stomach churned.

“Eds, please,” Richie said. He sounded scared. “I don’t- I don’t know what to do, Eddie. What’s wrong? What happened?”

Eddie only shook his head. He felt the prickling of tears threatening him. Did he have a crush on Richie? No, he couldn’t. He couldn’t have a crush on a boy. He couldn’t, could he? No, he couldn’t.

“Eds? Hey, Eddie, you’re fine.” Eddie could tell Richie was trying to keep his voice calm. “Eddie where’s your inhaler?”

Eddie knew that the question was simply to tell him: You need to get out your inhaler. He shook his head; He didn’t want his inhaler. A choked sob escaped his throat, and he shook his head again. 

“Eddie. Eddie please; You need your inhaler.”

Eddie shook his head once more. He could feel Richie shifting his weight, the hammock rocking slightly. He felt a pressure on his hip and heard the sound of a zipper. Richie pried one of Eddie’s hands out of his hair and shoved the inhaler into his palm. Eddie hadn’t even realized he’d been pulling his hair.

Richie placed a hand on Eddie’s cheek, tilting his face up from behind his knees. Still holding Eddie’s cheek, he guided the inhaler to his lips. Eddie tried to shake his head again, but he couldn’t while Richie was holding him. 

“Eddie,” Richie pleaded, “you need to use the inhaler.”

Eddie gave up fighting and pressed down on the inhaler. It hadn’t seemed to help in the slightest. Richie took the inhaler back out of Eddie’s hand. He heard a clicking noise, and then Richie growled, followed by the sound of plastic and metal hitting the floor. 

Richie cupped both of Eddie’s cheeks in his hands. “Eddie, look at me,” he whispered. “Look at me.”

Eddie only squeezed his eyes shut harder, as if it would help him forget what he’d pieced together. He couldn’t like Richie. It wasn’t okay for him to like Richie. Richie was a boy, and so was Eddie. They were both boys. 

“Eddie, you’re freaking out,” Richie whispered. “You gotta look at me. You gotta breathe.”

Eddie felt Richie’s thumbs wipe under his eyes, only just realizing that he was crying. Eddie let out another broken sob, and forced himself to blink his eyes open. Richie’s eyes were as wide as his bike tires, but once Eddie blinked a few more times, he gave him a comforting smile.

“Hey,” he soothed. “I’m right here, Eds.”

Eddie felt that feeling again, the bubbling in his stomach, but this time it made him feel sick. This time, he didn’t think it felt good at all. This time, he cried. Richie let go of Eddie’s cheeks. He hated that he missed the contact.

Richie tugged at Eddie’s arms, somehow getting him to a position where he could lean on Richie’s chest. Richie had his arms around him, rubbing his back and whispering reassurances into his hair. Eddie hated that he enjoyed it. He would have pushed off of him if he weren’t so exhausted. 

“You’re alright,” Richie whispered. “I’m right here, Eds; You’re alright.”

The two boys stayed like that, wrapped in each other, until Eddie’s tears slowed and his breathing evened out. Richie was stroking Eddie’s hair, whispering still, no longer rubbing his back but holding him in place. Before either boy knew it, they had both been lulled to sleep by the sound of the other’s heartbeat and steady breathing.


	16. SO MANY THOUGHTS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie slowly blinked his eyes open, taking in his unusual surroundings. He was still in the hammock with Richie, who had a hand in his hair and an arm wrapped around his waist. Eddie pushed up off of him, subsequently waking him up. His face was red within a matter of seconds. Eddie’s ears burned.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! This chapter is so much shorter than last chapter, but hopefully the next few will be longer!
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ valor

Eddie slowly blinked his eyes open, taking in his unusual surroundings. He was still in the hammock with Richie, who had a hand in his hair and an arm wrapped around his waist. Eddie pushed up off of him, subsequently waking him up. His face was red within a matter of seconds. Eddie’s ears burned.

“Oh,” Richie whispered, sounding almost like he was out of breath.

Eddie scrambled out of the hammock, almost kicking Stan, who was sitting in a beanbag chair. Eddie yelped, causing Stan to look up from his book. He didn’t seem at all fazed by the fact that the two boys had just been sleeping together. If he had a problem with it, he wasn’t showing it. 

“Finally,” Stan said. “I’ve been here for like half an hour.”

“Why didn’t you wake us up?” Richie asked, sounding irritated. 

Stan shrugged. “You two looked pretty content. Plus, it’s the only time that you actually shut up.”

“Fuck off!”

Eddie looked at Stan, and then at Richie. His cheeks were still red. “I’m going home.”

Richie sat up a bit more. “What? Why?”

Eddie only blinked at him, turning and walking toward the door. He heard Stan close his book, and he heard the hammock shifting. His brain felt fuzzy and his body felt like it wasn’t his.

“Eddie!” Richie called, sounding desperate. “Eddie, come on!”

Eddie ignored him. He felt like he was dreaming the whole way home. He didn’t feel real; He just felt empty. It made sense, considering he had been crying his eyes out and had just woken up. He went straight for his bedroom once he got home. Not caring whether or not his mother noticed, he locked his bedroom door.

He sat on the edge of his bed, staring at his hands in his lap. The prickling of tears built up behind his eyes, and he was crying again. He ran a hand through his hair, wiping at his face. It reminded him of how Richie had played with his hair in the hammock. He closed his eyes, shaking his head. He didn’t want to think about it.

Eddie didn’t want to think at all. He didn’t want to think, because if he was thinking then it would be about Richie. Eddie didn’t want to think about Richie. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. Eddie pulled at his hair, letting out a shaky breath.

He couldn’t like Richie. He shouldn’t like Richie. Maybe he was just overthinking things. Maybe he was just mistaking normal feelings for something more. That was probably it. He just thought highly of Richie as a friend. He didn’t have a crush on him. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t.

Eddie fell back onto his bed, then curled himself into a ball. Tears tickled his nose as gravity pulled them across his face. A wave of nausea washed over him, and he jumped up off his bed and ran for the bathroom, promptly throwing up. He sat on the floor for a few minutes, just staring at the tiled floor, before throwing up again.

He went back into his room and returned to his previous position on his bed. His head was swarming with thoughts, most of which made him feel sick. He couldn’t think about any of it. He shouldn’t think about any of it.

Richie’s smile was one of the best things about him, the way his glasses magnified his eyes a close second. He had such a blinding smile, and his eyes were so pretty. The combination of the two was almost criminal. Eddie didn’t want to think about it.

Richie had a weird taste in clothing. He always seemed to be wearing a printed button up, many of which were plant related. Even when it was hot outside, he always wore one. Richie was probably the only person in Derry who could pull the look off. Eddie didn’t want to think about it.

Richie was so careful, and quiet, and soft when he wanted to be. He would hum made-up tunes and tap his fingers on books at the library. He would draw pictures and write out jokes on pieces of ripped-out notebook paper and leave them all around school. He would make over-the-top Valentine’s day cards and would draw all over his arms and legs with pen. Eddie didn’t want to think about it.

Richie had a lot of endearing quirks and mannerisms. He would drape his arm around your shoulders when he sat down next to you. He would bump your shoulder with his and laugh when you made a good comeback to his teasing. He would ruffle your hair when he knew you were annoyed at him. He would hug you for a whole hour when you were sad and crying. He would kiss you on the head and reassure you when you felt like you were dying. Eddie didn’t want to think about it.

Eddie didn’t want to think about it, but he did anyway. He thought about it and thought about it and thought about it. He thought about it despite how it made him feel like he was being kicked in the stomach. He thought about it despite how it made him feel like he was dying.

What was he going to do? He couldn’t have a crush on Richie; His mother would just short of kill him. His friends would abandon him. Richie would be disgusted with him. Eddie felt like a car was driving over him. He felt like he was dying. There was a knock on the door. 

“Eddie, the Tozier’s boy is at the door.”

Eddie’s heart sped. “Tell him I don’t want to hang out with him right now.” His voice was hoarse and wobbly.

Eddie scrubbed at his face, his breathing hiccupy and uneven. He felt like he was going to throw up again. He just wanted to go to sleep forever. He just wanted to stop feeling the way that he felt.

Despite having just woken up, Eddie felt utterly exhausted. He knew that he shouldn’t, but he just wanted to sleep. He also knew that he shouldn’t have a crush on Richie Tozier, yet here he was. He squeezed his eyes shut and listened to the beating of his heart until he fell asleep once more.


	17. JUST ANOTHER DAY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It was two in the morning when Eddie woke up. He rubbed at his eyes, his cheeks sticky with dried tears and his waist hurting from sleeping with his fanny pack on. He clumsily took it off, then rolled off of his bed and onto the floor, getting the shoebox out from under. He took out the notebook and a pen, flipped to the next blank page, and wrote the date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! I hope this chapter seems okay; I’m trying to keep Eddie’s thoughts about Richie a bit more vague, since he’s currently suppressing it right now. 
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ valor

It was two in the morning when Eddie woke up. He rubbed at his eyes, his cheeks sticky with dried tears and his waist hurting from sleeping with his fanny pack on. He clumsily took it off, then rolled off of his bed and onto the floor, getting the shoebox out from under. He took out the notebook and a pen, flipped to the next blank page, and wrote the date.

He recalled the previous day, vaguely describing how he and Richie had been in the hammock together and how Richie had held him while he was crying. He recalled the moment when he’d figured it out; what those feelings meant. He decided that he was just amplifying his feelings; that he didn’t actually feel that way about Richie. He was a boy, for crying out loud. He couldn’t have a crush on Richie; That wasn’t how things worked. 

He put his notebook away, not bothering to change into different clothes, and snuck into the kitchen. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast the day before, and his stomach was starting to hurt. He took a fistful of grapes and trudged back to his room with them, sitting down on the floor and eating them. 

He debated sneaking out and running off to the hideout, but he didn’t really want to go there just yet. After eating his grapes, which really wasn’t enough food, but he didn’t care, he got up and thoughtlessly left through his front door. He wasn’t sure where he wanted to go, so he just let himself walk, relishing in the dark quiet of the early morning. He knew that his mother would be horrified to see that he wasn’t home, but he didn’t really care. 

He found himself walking to a part of the wooded area that he and the Losers would often hang around. He usually didn’t climb up any of the trees with the rest of his friends, but he found that he was itching to do just that. He wasn’t too practiced, but soon enough he had climbed all the way up a fairly tall tree. The branches were thick enough for him to lean his back on the body of the tree and still not have to worry about falling off.

Eddie closed his eyes, listening to the quiet sounds of nature around him. He wasn’t sure what made each of the sounds that he heard, but he appreciated each nonetheless. He opened his eyes again, looking around him and catching sight of a squirrel scampering off a few feet from his tree. He took a deep breath, the night air always easier to breathe. 

He stayed perched in his tree until the sky began to change colors, and he watched, amazed at the intricate gradients of blues and oranges. He was starting to get uncomfortably hungry again, and so he carefully climbed down the tree and headed off for the hideout. They had a stash of snacks just for situations like these. 

Eddie wasn’t exactly excited to see how Richie would react to him when he saw him. He hoped Richie didn’t say anything about the day before; Eddie knew that he wasn’t. He grabbed a few granola bars and a warm water bottle from their stash and sat down in a beanbag chair. His watch beeped, and he realized that he’d left his fanny pack at home. Oh well, he thought. He’d just take his medications when he got home. 

Eddie caught sight of something on the ground by the hammock; blue and silver. Upon closer inspection, it was his inhaler, broken into two parts; the canister and the case. He stood up, picking up the pieces and sitting back down. He inspected the canister, remembering the clicking noise he had heard the day prior, after Richie had taken the inhaler back. He must have taken it apart, Eddie reasoned, but why? 

He turned the canister over in his hand, seeing the ingredients label. He skimmed it over a few times, not really sure what he was reading. Were inhalers supposed to have water in them? Eddie didn’t really know. He supposed he could ask the man at the pharmacy later in the day. 

Eddie heard the door open, and he looked up to see Richie and Beverly talking, not having noticed him yet. Richie saw him first, smile dropping. Beverly waved, greeting him, and hopped into the hammock. Richie sat down quietly in the beanbag chair next to Eddie’s.

“What’s up, Eds?” Richie asked quietly. 

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie answered.

Beverly didn’t say anything. She seemed to be watching Richie, as if expecting him to say something. She raised both of her eyebrows, and Eddie wondered if she knew that he could see her. Richie huffed and shifted. 

“Eddie?” He was playing with his glasses. “You okay?”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “What’d’ya mean?”

Richie averted his eyes, fingers still holding his frames in place. “Well, you kinda had a... a rough day yesterday.”

Eddie shrugged. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, Richie,” he said as he rolled his eyes. “I’m sure.”

Richie nodded weakly. “Okay.”

“What happened?” Beverly asked, looking at Eddie. 

He glanced at Richie, who was looking at Beverly with a confused expression. That was all he needed in order to know that Richie had already told her what had happened. It wasn’t too surprising, Eddie had to admit. If he didn’t tell Eddie something, then he would tell Beverly.

“Nothing,” Eddie decided on. “I just wasn’t feelin’ good.”

Beverly nodded, looking hesitant. “Oh, okay.”

“Yeah, Richie helped me. Thanks, by the way.”

Richie pushed up his glasses, cheeks tinted pink. “Oh, yeah. Uhm, yeah.”

Beverly stifled a laugh, Richie glaring at her. “What?” She asked dramatically.

Richie huffed. “Stop makin’ fun of me.”

“What is there to make fun of you for?” Her voice was light and airy, a sure indicator that she was teasing him.

Richie groaned. “Bev, come on.”

“I know!” She said, jumping out of the hammock. “Let’s go swimming!”

Eddie shrugged. “Yeah, okay.”

He looked at Richie for his response to find him red in the face and glaring at Beverly. He nodded, and Beverly clapped. They left the hideout while arguing over who could hold their breath the longest and who would win a wrestling match between one of the others. Richie insisted that he’d beat both of them, but that he wouldn’t wrestle with Beverly. Beverly said it was just because Richie was scared to lose. 

Eddie sat at the edge of the water; not necessarily wanting to run around in it. Richie had ended up agreeing to a wrestling match against Beverly, and had ultimately lost two rounds out of three. Richie acted like he’d done it on purpose, but it was fairly obvious that he had simply underestimated how strong Beverly was. 

“Hey,” Beverly said as the two were walking toward Eddie, “why don’t you and Eddie wrestle?”

Richie’s face was already red from exhaustion, but the color seemed to spread to his neck. “I don’t know.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow, not missing the chance to tease him. “What, are you too scared?”

Richie huffed. “No! I just don’t know if I’m ready yet.”

Beverly laughed, sitting next to Eddie. “Oh, you’re ready. You’re just overthinking everything.”

Richie sent a glare Beverly’s way, and let out a breath. “Fine, sure; I’ll wrestle Eddie. Just give me a few minutes.”

Beverly smiled, looking smug. Richie went back out into the deeper water, seemingly talking to himself. He submerged himself underwater for a moment, pushing his hair out of his eyes when he resurfaced. Beverly lightly elbowed Eddie’s side.

“You’re so gonna win,” she said, laughing. 

“Why?” he asked. 

Beverly laughed again. “Oh, he’s still super distracted by what happened yesterday.” She seemed to realize what she had said, looking at Eddie with wide eyes. “Oh.”

Eddie just shrugged. “I figured you knew,” was all he said.

Beverly nodded slowly, focusing on Richie again. “Seriously, though,” she said, “he’s in a whole ‘nother universe right now.”

Eddie laughed. “Isn’t he always?” 

“True, but that’s not what I mean.”

“Well then, what do you mean?”

Beverly let out a breath, leaning back on her elbows. “I’m not really supposed to tell you.”

“What? Why?”

Beverly tilted her head in a makeshift shrug. “He’s embarrassed, to put it simply.”

Eddie stared at Richie, who was still red from his face down to his neck. “Why?”

“Why?” Beverly laughed. “Dude, you both fell asleep cuddling.”

Eddie frowned. “Right.”

“But, hey, that’s just why I’m not supposed to tell you.”

Eddie nodded, watching Richie put his fingers through his hair. “Yeah.”

The two were silent for a good while, Richie still talking to himself. In the end, Richie refused to wrestle with Eddie, and then told them that he was going back to the hideout for snacks. Eddie and Beverly decided that they would go with him, both hungry as well. As they walked, he watched Richie trying to dry his glasses off. Eddie, without saying a word, took the glasses out of his hand and used his shirt to dry the lenses. When he gave Richie back his glasses, he was red from his shoulders up.


	18. MASCARA AND LIPSTICK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie was currently at Beverly’s house, in her room with the door locked. The two were sitting on the floor, paper and markers scattered where they sat. Beverly had her makeup bag in her lap, handing Eddie different things to put on her face. They’d thought it would be funny if they put makeup on each other, which they were right.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! Thought I’d include some quality Bev and Eddie time! I don’t know what else to say, whoops. I figured out I was trans last night and so I’m in a great mood, so that’s fun.
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ Michael

Eddie was currently at Beverly’s house, in her room with the door locked. The two were sitting on the floor, paper and markers scattered where they sat. Beverly had her makeup bag in her lap, handing Eddie different things to put on her face. They’d thought it would be funny if they put makeup on each other, which they were right.

Eddie was currently attempting to put eyeshadow on her, but was failing quite miserably. “This is so fucking hard! How do you do this?”

Beverly laughed. “I don’t.”

Eddie giggled, looking at the bright green eyeshadow on her eyelids. “Why would anyone even need a color like this?”

Beverly shrugged. “No clue.”

Eddie finished by attempting to put eyeliner on her, which was absolutely atrocious. When Beverly looked in the hand mirror that they had, she burst out laughing. Eddie reminded her that he hadn’t picked out any of the stuff, but even then it looked awful. Beverly told him that she loved it. 

Then it was Eddie’s turn, and he was nervous. Before Beverly even had a brush in her hand, Eddie quietly asked: “Isn’t it bad for me to wear makeup?”

Beverly shook her head. “Absolutely not, Eddie. And don’t worry, I’ll make you look nice!”

Eddie swallowed, nodding. “Okay.”

“Close your eyes, alright?” Beverly said, getting some bottles out of her bag. “It’ll make it easier.”

Eddie closed his eyes, trying to ignore how nervous he was getting. He hoped that he didn’t look weird. That wouldn’t be very fun. Sure, Beverly had looked bad, but that was because of the outlandish colors and Eddie’s nonexistent makeup skills. Beverly actually knew what she was doing, and had reassured him many times that she was going to be serious about his.

The feeling of makeup on his face was weird, but he didn’t hate it. It was like when the dirt got really dry and stuck to your hand because of how powdery it was. It felt like that, but like there was more of it. What was makeup made out of, anyway, Eddie wondered.

“Okay,” Beverly said. “Eyeliner or mascara?”

“Which is which?” 

“Mascara is the one that you put on your eyelashes, and eyeliner is what you tried to put on me.”

“Okay.” Eddie thought for a moment. “Mascara, I guess.”

“Alright, but I’ll need you to open your eyes.” Eddie blinked his eyes open, and Beverly continued. “This is gonna be a little scary, but trust me, I’m not gonna mess up.”

“Huh?”

“So, you’re gonna have to look up and try not to blink. It’ll feel weird but don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt.”

“Okay.” 

Beverly got the mascara brush out of its container, then put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie felt his heart rate increase, because he really didn’t want to be poked in the eye by a spiky ink stick. When the brush touched his eyelashes, it took all of his willpower not to flinch. It didn’t hurt, just like Beverly had said, but it felt very awkward. Thankfully, it was over fairly quickly, Beverly proudly announcing that she hadn’t messed up either eye. 

“What color?” Beverly asked, holding out four different lipsticks. “I think this one will look more natural,” she said, pointing to one of them, “but any of them work if you’re not trying to look natural.”

“That second one,” Eddie mumbled, pointing at the second lipstick. “I like that one.”

Beverly smiled. “Okay! Red; I like it!”

Eddie couldn’t fight the smile tugging at his lips. “Does it stay on okay?”

Beverly hummed in response, uncapping the lipstick and turning the base. “Part your lips for me, Eddie.”

Eddie did as he was told, Beverly once again putting a hand on his shoulder to help steady herself. Lipstick felt like rubbing a slightly melted chocolate bar on your lips. Eddie would know; He’d done it once as a joke. After she finished putting the lipstick on, she told him to rub his lips together. He did as he was told, and Beverly told him that he could look in the mirror.

“Oh,” Eddie said as he saw himself. “I look pretty.”

“Do you like it?”

Eddie smiled, nodding. He looked at how long his eyelashes looked and how much brighter his lips looked, and he giggled. Eddie very much liked it, and he was feeling extremely giddy about it. He glanced at the polaroid camera sitting on Beverly’s dresser. 

“Bev, could you take a picture of me?”

Beverly laughed. “Of course!” She got up and grabbed the camera, then sat back down. “Smile, Eddie.”

Eddie grinned, giggling as the flash went off. “One more?”

Beverly nodded. This time, Eddie just smiled. Once the photos were ready, they wrote the date and a caption on each with bright markers. Eddie wanted to put them with his notebook. He placed them carefully in his fanny pack, making sure that they were in such a way that they wouldn’t bend. 

“Hey, Eddie?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?”

Eddie frowned. “Sure, what is it?”

“How do you feel about Richie?”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “What’d’ya mean? He’s my best friend.”

Beverly nodded. “Yeah, but like... How do you feel, specifically?”

Eddie thought for a moment. “He makes me happy, and I like being with him. I think his jokes are kind of annoying but funny.”

“Is that all?”

“Well, what else would I feel?”

Beverly shrugged. “Dunno. I was just wondering, I guess.”

“Can we do nail polish?”

“Of course, Eddie.”


	19. AFTERTHOUGHTS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, pajamas on and teeth brushed. He inspected his reflection, one of the polaroids Beverly had taken of him in his hand. Much to Eddie’s displeasure, he’d had to wash off all of his makeup before he left Beverly’s house. Beverly didn’t want the Bowers gang or anyone else messing with Eddie on his way home. Eddie didn’t want his mother to see it and yell at him once he got home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! Today I get my hair cut short! Ah! Also, thanks for being patient, again! I promise the next chapter is gonna be fun-filled and adorable as always!
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ Michael

Eddie was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, pajamas on and teeth brushed. He inspected his reflection, one of the polaroids Beverly had taken of him in his hand. Much to Eddie’s displeasure, he’d had to wash off all of his makeup before he left Beverly’s house. Beverly didn’t want the Bowers gang or anyone else messing with Eddie on his way home. Eddie didn’t want his mother to see it and yell at him once he got home.

He touched a finger to his bottom lip, missing the feeling that came with lipstick. He’d forgotten what it felt like, until Beverly had put it on him. He also missed how long his eyelashes looked. He missed how smooth his face looked. He missed how he had looked like himself but better. 

Eddie thought back to when he was seven. He had gotten into his mother’s makeup, and she hadn’t liked it one bit. He could remember it quite vividly. He’d been left alone at home while his mother went to the store. He’d been using his mother’s bathroom when he saw the makeup bag on the counter. Temptation became too great and he dug around in the bag until he found a lipstick that his mother definitely hadn’t used in years. 

He’d put it on, of course getting it all around his mouth and even in his teeth. It had looked awful, and Eddie knew it, but he had loved it regardless. He’d stood in front of the mirror, lifted up on his tip-toes, burning the image into his brain. He hadn’t known how to get it off, so he just wiped his mouth with his hand and hoped for the best. He’d hoped wrong.

Eddie closed his eyes, shaking his head. He went into his bedroom and put the picture away in the shoebox under his bed, then climbed under the covers and pulled his bedsheets around his shoulders. He found himself touching his lips again, wanting desperately to still be wearing the makeup. He wondered if the other Losers would make fun of him. He knew that Richie certainly would, and that he’d probably call Eddie a girl or something worse. 

It wasn’t that Eddie didn’t like girls; Girls were cool! One of his favorite people was a girl! Eddie just knew that it wasn’t meant to be a nice thing when someone called you a girl. What did it mean? Eddie wasn’t exactly sure. He’d heard a few possibilities before, but he just didn’t like them. 

If you were called a girl, it meant you were weak. If you were called a girl, it meant you were emotional. If you were called a girl, it meant you were affectionate. If you were called a girl, it meant you were preppy. If you were called a girl, it meant you were suspiciously well-behaved. If you were called a girl, it meant you were beat up and locked in lockers and pushed in the halls.

Eddie closed his eyes. He didn’t need to be thinking about any of that. He needed to be sleeping. He didn’t want to think about any of that. He wanted to be sleeping.

Still, he couldn’t shake the thoughts bouncing around in his head. What if Richie found out he liked makeup? He’d surely make fun of him, and maybe even bully him a little. Eddie didn’t want that.

He did his best to block out all of the anxieties, instead focusing on the fact that Beverly had told Eddie to ask her whenever he wanted to wear makeup again. Eddie hoped that tomorrow wouldn’t be too early; He didn’t want to waste all of her makeup. Maybe he would just wait a few days, just in case.

Soon, he found himself waking up in the morning, having fallen asleep quite fast. He rubbed at his eyes, sitting up. He got up, completed his morning routine, and very carefully took the shoebox out from under his bed. He looked at the polaroids that Beverly had taken of him, wondering if maybe Beverly had been lying about it being okay. His mother had made it very clear that he wasn’t supposed to wear makeup. 

He put the box away, grabbing his fanny pack and slipping his sneakers on. He had agreed to meet Beverly and Richie at the arcade, as much as he hated the place. Richie had promised that he was only going to play a few games, so that eased Eddie at least a little. He kissed his mother goodbye, again running out the door before she could argue. It was a miracle that he hadn’t gotten himself grounded again, with how much he’d been leaving as he pleased.

Arriving at the arcade, Eddie pushed through the doors to find Richie playing by himself. He walked up next to him. “Hey, Richie.”

Richie glanced at him, eyes wide. “Hey, Eds.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Don’t call me that.”

Richie didn’t respond, obviously concentrating on his game. Eddie didn’t blame him. He watched the door for Beverly, a few minutes passing before he saw her walking up to the door. He waved at her, and she waved back. He was still giddy about the makeup, but he hoped it wasn’t too apparent to her.

As Beverly came over, she greeted them and put an arm around Eddie’s neck. Eddie didn’t mind, but he saw some of the other kids throw weird looks their way. He ignored them, instead focusing on Richie’s game.

“So,” Beverly said, tapping the back of Richie’s head, “why’d you call us here, Trashmouth?”

Richie hummed, the multitasking obviously a bit difficult. “I wanted to know if you guys could stay over. Stan’s gonna be there.”

“Yeah, that’s cool!” Beverly said, squeezing Eddie. “You comin’, Eddie?”

“I’d have to ask my mom,” he said slowly, doubt clear in his voice.

Richie’s game made a noise, and Eddie watched as his character died. Richie stared at the screen for a few seconds before turning to look at Eddie. “You can just say it’s at Stan’s, can’t you?”

Eddie shrugged. “I guess, yeah.”

Richie smiled. “Good.”


	20. MOVIE NIGHT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It was around eleven at night, the four friends huddled on the sofa in the dark with a horror movie playing. Richie had insisted that they watch it, Eddie being the only one to request otherwise. Richie had slung an arm around him, assuring him that he’d keep him safe. It had made Eddie’s ears grow warm, but he’d agreed nonetheless.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! I’m not too happy about this chapter for some reason, but I am my own worst critic, so I’m sure it’s not as bad as I think!
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ Michael

It was around eleven at night, the four friends huddled on the sofa in the dark with a horror movie playing. Richie had insisted that they watch it, Eddie being the only one to request otherwise. Richie had slung an arm around him, assuring him that he’d keep him safe. It had made Eddie’s ears grow warm, but he’d agreed nonetheless.

Eddie had ended up being in the middle, Richie to one side of him and Beverly to the other. Stan had opted to sit on the recliner to the side of the couch. Being in the middle, Eddie was stuck holding the bowl of half-eaten popcorn, a blanket thrown over his legs. He was sitting cross-legged, Beverly doing the same. Richie had his knees pulled up to his chest, leaning his weight onto Eddie’s side. Eddie ignored the fluttery feeling in his stomach and instead focused on the one of dread.

“I really don’t like this,” Eddie whispered, music swelling in the background. “I’m gonna have nightmares.”

“Don’t worry, Eddie my Love,” Richie whispered theatrically, “I’ll keep you safe.”

“Shut up, Richie,” Eddie whispered back. “You’re the reason we’re watching this dumb movie.”

“Could you two be quiet?” Stan asked, turning to look at them. “Some of us are actually trying to watch.”

The two boys stayed quiet, and Eddie couldn’t help but notice how Richie had reached his hand over to place it on Eddie’s arm, squeezing ever so slightly. Then, Richie rested his head on Eddie’s shoulder, and Eddie didn’t even hesitate to rest his head on top of Richie’s. He could hear Richie exhale, as if he’d been holding his breath, and felt him nuzzle closer into his side. Eddie felt a smile tugging at his lips, his ears warm. He shouldn’t be enjoying this, he told himself, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

Soon, the popcorn bowl was empty, and Beverly set it down on the floor so that Eddie wouldn’t have to move. He could barely ignore how Richie had immediately pulled the blanket over his shoulder, leaning into Eddie even more than before. Beverly had moved so that she was laying with her feet against Eddie’s side, head propped up by her fist. The movie music began to swell again, and Eddie tensed, eyes shutting. He really hated horror movies. Richie, who had been relaxed at his side, seemed to tense up as well.

“You okay?” He whispered, hand squeezing his arm.

Eddie nodded, Richie’s hair tickling his cheek. “Yeah,” he whispered in response.

Richie let go of Eddie’s arm, tapping the back of Eddie’s hand lightly. “I can hold your hand, if you want,” he asked, voice so quiet that Eddie wasn’t sure if he’d heard right.

“Okay.”

There was a moment where neither boy moved, then Richie maneuvered his other arm in between Eddie’s and his side. He slid his hand under Eddie’s, threading their fingers together. Eddie held his breath, and it seemed like Richie was doing the same. Eddie gave Richie’s hand a squeeze, and Richie let out a shaky puff of air. He rested his head back on Eddie’s shoulder, and Eddie rested his cheek in Richie’s hair, ignoring how it tickled his neck. He also ignored how loudly he could hear his heart pounding in his chest, ears hot. 

Every time the music began to swell, or there was a jump-scare, Eddie would hold his breath and squeeze Richie’s hand so tight that he wasn’t sure how he hadn’t broken it. Richie didn’t seem to mind, squeezing back and rubbing Eddie’s arm soothingly with his free hand. Eddie appreciated Richie’s care, knowing that Richie wasn’t one to be intimate while anyone else was around them. This fact made his stomach flip, but he convinced himself to chalk it up to fear. 

Finally, the credits played and it was time for Richie to get up to take the movie out. He obviously didn’t want to move, as he groaned and let go of Eddie’s hand slowly. As Richie was taking the movie out, Eddie made eye contact with Beverly, who smiled mischievously. She reached over the arm of the couch down to her bag, seconds later holding up her makeup bag. Eddie’s eyes widened, and he hoped that his excitement wasn’t too apparent. 

“Hey, Rich,” Beverly called, “you wanna fuck my face up?”

Richie looked over at her with a look of confusion, which quickly morphed into one of mischief as she shook the makeup bag. “Fuck yeah!”

Eddie looked over at Stan, who had fallen asleep curled up in the recliner. “Should we wake Stan?”

Richie shook his head, sitting down on the floor. “Nah. He got up super early and shit this morning.”

Beverly sat down in front of Richie, Eddie opting to stay on the couch. He watched Richie put outlandish colors on Beverly’s face, using just about every supply she had in her bag. Eddie couldn’t see Beverly’s face directly, but he could see a blur of red and purple reflecting off of Richie’s glasses. After Richie was done, Beverly turned to Eddie and asked how she looked. 

Eddie laughed. “You look like a sad, purple clown.”

Richie cackled, and Beverly rolled her eyes. “You want a turn?”

Eddie looked away, ears warm, and he nodded shyly. He got up and sat down diagonal from both Richie and Beverly, avoiding looking at either of the two. Once he’d sat down, Beverly took out the same bottles and brushes she’d used on him before. She asked him if he wanted her to do the same look.

Eddie nodded again. “Yes, please.” He hated how small his voice was. “I’d like that.”

Eddie instinctively closed his eyes, as Beverly held his chin and tilted his head up, putting what he had learned was concealer on his face. He only opened his eyes once Beverly asked if he still wanted to do mascara. Of course, Eddie had said yes, and he stayed fairly calm as Beverly carefully put the mascara on his eyelashes. She asked about lipstick, too, and Eddie once again chose the same bright red that he had picked before.

Beverly held Eddie’s chin as she put the lipstick on him, Eddie watching how her eyebrows furrowed in concentration. It made Eddie feel a bit less nervous, because it was a reminder that Beverly was being serious and wasn’t going to make Eddie look dumb. Once Beverly had finished, she handed Eddie the mirror and asked if he was alright with how he looked. Eddie was smiling before he even saw his reflection. 

“Yeah,” he said, nodding excitedly. “Yeah, I like it!”

Eddie remembered that Richie was also in the room, and so he turned to jokingly ask him how he looked. The words died in his throat, though, as he saw Richie’s bright red face and wide eyes staring back at him. Eddie felt his ears heat up, and he looked away, stomach flipping. 

Beverly seemed to know what Eddie had been trying to do. “So, how does he look?” She asked. “Does he meet your impeccably high standards?” 

Eddie giggled at that, but Richie only blinked, seeming a bit out of sorts. “Shut up, Bev,” Richie mumbled, still looking at Eddie.

“You okay, Richie?” Eddie asked, because Richie was just looking at him with wide eyes and a red face and he looked like he wasn’t breathing, and Eddie didn’t want Richie to be hurt.

Richie nodded weakly. “Yeah.” His voice came out as a breath, and that seemed to snap him out of it. He looked down at his lap, hands clasped together. “I’m fine.”

Beverly laughed, but Eddie just looked at him with an eyebrow raised. “You sure?”

Richie nodded again. “Perfectly! ‘M just tired.”

Eddie decided that it wasn’t worth it to argue, and so he looked at Beverly again. “Nail polish?” He asked, holding up his hands. 

“Nail polish,” Beverly said in response, grabbing a few colors out of her bag and setting them on the floor for Eddie to choose from.


	21. NAIL POLISH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie blew on his fingers, like Beverly had told him to, waiting for his nail polish to dry. He’d picked a light green, and he quite liked it. Beverly was also painting Richie’s nails, though he’d only chosen black. After she finished painting Richie’s nails, she told Eddie that his were probably dry. Eddie lightly tapped on the paint, proving her to be correct. He clenched and unclenched his fists, the nail polish still as weird feeling as last time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! I’m posting this at 4:15am, but ah well! I actually started working on the next chapter before posting this one, which is a miracle in and of itself, so there’s that! 
> 
> Also, second day with short hair, and it’s very nice!
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ Michael

Eddie blew on his fingers, like Beverly had told him to, waiting for his nail polish to dry. He’d picked a light green, and he quite liked it. Beverly was also painting Richie’s nails, though he’d only chosen black. After she finished painting Richie’s nails, she told Eddie that his were probably dry. Eddie lightly tapped on the paint, proving her to be correct. He clenched and unclenched his fists, the nail polish still as weird feeling as last time.

“I feel like I can’t do anything,” Eddie mumbled, laughing. “I know they’re dry, but it feels weird.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty normal,” Beverly said, screwing the cap back on the nail polish. “Just remember: If it peels off, I can just put more on.”

Eddie giggled, excitement bubbling up in his chest. He’d since forgotten his paranoia of being made fun of, and he was very much enjoying the freedom of it. Stan had also woken up, saying something about how they were all too loud, though he opted not to participate in the nail painting. He had, however, commented on Eddie’s makeup, saying that it looked nice. Eddie was all smiles ever since.

“Isn’t it a bit of a waste?” Eddie was starting to get tired, and it took quite a bit of mindfulness to keep from rubbing at his eyes with his fist. “Y’know, using all this stuff just to wash it off?”

Beverly shrugged. “I mean, that’s what it’s used for anyway, isn’t it?”

“I s’pose.”

“Don’t worry about it, Eddie,” Beverly said. “I wouldn’t offer to do it if I thought it was a waste.”

Eddie only hummed, looking over at Richie. He was inspecting his fingernails. Eddie thought that Richie looked quite good with the nail polish, even if it was only black. Richie looked up at him, cheeks turning pink. Stan, who had been talking, must have noticed the sudden change in interest, because he kicked Richie in the back of the head.

“You can stare at Eddie later,” Stan deadpanned. “I’m not finished talking.”

Richie slapped Stan’s leg, face turning red. Eddie laughed, and Beverly just shook her head. “I wasn’t staring, Stanley!”

Eddie helped Beverly clean up her makeup and put it back in her bag, Stan and Richie going back and forth in the background. Eddie wondered how Richie’s parents put up with all the noise. Maybe their walls were sound-proof. He highly doubted the notion, but he didn’t care enough to think about it anymore. He glanced at a nearby clock. 

“Hey, Rich?”

“Yeah, Eds?”

“Don’t call me that.” He heard Richie huff. “Shouldn’t we be getting ready for bed?”

Richie groaned. “Dude, it’s only midnight.”

“It’s closer to one,” Eddie shot back. “And just because we get ready doesn’t mean we have to sleep.”

“Fine, fine.” Richie put a hand through his hair. “We can get ready for bed.”

“I call the bathroom!” Eddie grabbed his backpack and headed for the bathroom, hearing laughter and grumbles behind him.

Eddie had packed shorts and a t-shirt, and he quickly changed into them. He was careful not to get any of the makeup on his shirt, though, because he didn’t want to have to try to wash it off. Beverly had told him it was hard to get makeup out of clothes sometimes, and Eddie didn’t want to have to deal with the possibility of it happening. He also just didn’t want to take the makeup off yet. He would sleep in it, if he could, but Beverly had told him that it was bad for your face to sleep in, and that it would smudge anyway.

Eddie went back into the living room, Richie and Beverly moving pillows from the couch to the floor and getting extra blankets from the closet. Eddie put his backpack down and went over to help Beverly, Richie going to his room to change and get more pillows. Once everything was situated, they had to decide placing. Eddie didn’t necessarily care where he got put, which he voiced, and so he got placed in one of the two middle spots. 

Beverly, Stan, and Richie played Rock-Paper-Scissors; Beverly winning first choice and Stan winning second, and so Richie got placed in the middle as well. Of course, Richie tried to argue and say that Stan had cheated, but it was fairly clear that Richie really didn’t mind. He’d even nudged Eddie with his shoulder and made a joke.

“Guess you’re stuck with me, Spaghetti,” he said, sighing theatrically. “Whatever will you do?”

Eddie snorted, pushing Richie’s arm, unable to help the smile that spread across his face as Richie cackled. Yeah, it was a miracle that they hadn’t woken up Richie’s parents. Maybe they had, Eddie thought, but they were too relieved that Richie was having fun to tell them to stop. As upbeat as Richie was with the Losers, he could be fairly worrying when he was by himself. Eddie wondered what Richie thought about when he was alone. He wondered if Richie ever thought about him.


	22. CUTE CUTE CUTE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie was sure that it was well passed two in the morning, and he still wasn’t asleep. Thoughts were crashing around in his head too loudly for him to sleep. If thoughts could make sound, these thoughts would be like a fire alarm; loud and constant. They made Eddie’s head spin and his stomach flip. He had thought that he was done dealing with these feelings, but clearly he had thought wrong.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! Two chapters today, because I really want to get another one out! I hope this one doesn’t feel too out of place!
> 
> ~ Michael

Eddie was sure that it was well passed two in the morning, and he still wasn’t asleep. Thoughts were crashing around in his head too loudly for him to sleep. If thoughts could make sound, these thoughts would be like a fire alarm; loud and constant. They made Eddie’s head spin and his stomach flip. He had thought that he was done dealing with these feelings, but clearly he had thought wrong.

Eddie ran a hand through his hair, blinking to fight the prickling behind his eyes. He looked beside him at Richie, holding his breath, eyes following the curl of his hair on his forehead. Eddie frowned, letting the breath out with a puff and letting his arm go limp at his side. Was this what it felt like to think someone was cute? Probably, he reasoned. He wished that it wasn’t.

Eddie thought Richie was cute. The thought blared in his head like a warning, and it scared Eddie half to death. He’d already been over this, he told himself. He couldn’t think Richie was cute, because Richie was a boy and so was he. Richie was his best friend, and that’s all that he was. He wasn’t a crush, and he wasn’t cute.

He wasn’t cute, but his hair sometimes curled in perfect little spirals that were fun to poke your fingers through. He wasn’t cute, but his eyelashes were so long, some of the older girls at school were jealous of them. He wasn’t cute, but his smile could brighten up almost any room no matter the circumstance. He wasn’t cute, but his atrocious button-ups were always a bright and pretty color. He wasn’t cute, but his glasses only slid down his nose because he refused to admit that they needed to be adjusted. He wasn’t cute, but he constantly complained about how awful he would look when he finally had to get braces.

Maybe Richie was a little cute, but that didn’t have to mean Eddie had a crush on him. He couldn’t have a crush on another boy, and he certainly couldn’t have a crush on another boy who was as mischievous as Richie. Eddie told himself this, but his stomach argued by tying itself up into a big knot. He felt the wet tickle of tears falling to his ears, and he sat up, rubbing at his eyes. He tried to keep his uneven breathing quiet, but it was hard because his nose was running and his blood was rushing in his ears.

“Eddie?” Eddie jumped, looking beside him to find Richie rubbing his eyes, clearly still half asleep. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Eddie whispered, voice watery.

Richie was silent, rubbing his eyes and yawning. He sat up, cross-legged, scratching at his hair. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Richie frowned. “Eddie.”

Eddie wiped at his cheeks, sniffling. “It’s okay, really.”

“Eddie my Love,” Richie whispered, “I wanna help.”

Eddie could feel his ears burning. “I’m okay, Richie.”

Richie stared at him, looking as deep in thought as he could while also looking half asleep. “Come ‘ere,” he whispered, laying down on his side.

Eddie’s stomach flipped. “Richie, we can’t.”

“I just wanna see you,” he whispered, sounding like he was on the brink of falling back asleep. “Wanna make sure you’re okay.”

Eddie nodded, ears on fire, though he supposed Richie wouldn’t have been able to see either reaction. He laid down on his side, facing Richie and hugging his arms to his chest. They were a foot or so apart, if that, the space the four friends occupied not very spacious. He told himself that this wasn’t any different than all the times they’d shared beds, but it felt different. It felt more intimate, and Eddie hated that he loved the feeling. 

“I can hold your hand again, if you want.”

Eddie’s stomach flipped again. He told himself to say no. “I’d like that,” he whispered instead.

Richie took hold of Eddie’s wrist, moving his hand to the space in between them, his palm upward. Richie shifted onto his stomach, his preferred sleeping position, and rested his hand on top of Eddie’s. After a moment, Eddie felt his own hand lace their fingers together, and immediately Richie returned the action. Eddie’s stomach flipped, his heart racing.

This was nice; It was all Eddie could think, over and over again. This was nice; holding Richie’s hand. This was nice; watching his hair fall in front of his eyes. This was nice; watching Richie’s back rise and fall with his breathing. This was nice; a reassuring pressure to remind Eddie that he was alive and okay. This was nice; a reminder that even if he wasn’t okay, Richie would be there to help him. This was nice; a temporary distraction from the nausea and the dizziness.

Eddie supposed that even if he did think Richie was cute, what was the harm in it? He wasn’t hurting anyone by thinking Richie was cute, he didn’t think. Just because he thought Richie was cute, Eddie reminded himself, didn’t automatically have to mean that he had a crush on him too. He could find Richie cute without having a crush on him, right?


	23. SLEEPY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie woke up stiff and awkward. He realized that he was still on his side, arm bent out. He then realized that he was, in fact, still holding Richie’s hand. Eddie’s ears burned, but he couldn’t bring himself to let go. He watched Richie’s face, a voice in his head chanting: Don’t wake him up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! Thank y’all for being so so very patient with his chapter. With acquiring a girlfriend and school starting up again, I hadn’t had too much time to myself!
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ Michael

Eddie woke up stiff and awkward. He realized that he was still on his side, arm bent out. He then realized that he was, in fact, still holding Richie’s hand. Eddie’s ears burned, but he couldn’t bring himself to let go. He watched Richie’s face, a voice in his head chanting: Don’t wake him up. 

Eddie’s stomach churned. He found that he didn’t hate the feeling, which came as a slight shock. He could hear Richie’s breathing, and a smile tugged at his lips. He just wanted to stare, taking in as much of his sleeping friend as possible. He had the vague understanding that this desire was not so much friendly, but he didn’t let himself think about it. Instead, he watched Richie’s face; soft and calm. It was a rare occasion; seeing Richie like this.

Eddie wanted a lot of things, he realized. He couldn’t really put all of them into words, but some of the things he wanted made his stomach flip again. He wanted to play with Richie’s hair; hold Richie’s hand; sleep while Richie’s arms were around him. He wanted all of those things and more, and he just couldn’t shake the buzz that came with the ideas. He tightened his grip on Richie’s hand ever so slightly. 

Eddie yawned, the few hours of sleep catching up to him. He blinked a few times, trying not to succumb to sleep; He wanted to be in this moment for as long as he could make it last. He wanted every detail etched into his brain, and he couldn’t get that if he were asleep. He settled on closing his eyes and listening to Richie’s breathing and feeling Richie’s hand in his. 

Eddie’s sleepy brain supplied him with many many thoughts; most of which were thoughts he wouldn’t willingly entertain if he could better control his train of thought. With being so tired, the train controlled the direction of the tracks; The tracks didn’t control the direction of the train. The cars consisted of nothing but Richie; Richie; Richie, and that fact made his heart race and his ears burn with a pleasant kind of heat. 

Eddies brain was too cloudy to really sit on any of the thoughts, but they made him feel fluttery nonetheless. Even if he couldn’t really entertain them properly, Eddie knew what the ideas entailed. These ideas were met with a warm buzzing, as opposed to the usual harsh jolt of nausea. He much preferred this warm buzz, reminiscent of when he hadn’t known what he was feeling toward Richie.

There was something about the feeling that seemed almost addicting. The warm buzz in Eddie’s stomach accompanied by the faint squeezing in his chest made the feeling an oddly pleasurable one, and he wasn’t in any rush to push it away inside of him. He was, for the most part, fairly done with shoving his feelings into imaginary closets inside of his brain. He wanted to relish this feeling, because it made him feel quite nice.

Eddie found himself having quite a bit of difficulty keeping his train on any sort of track, and so he huffed and squeezed Richie’s hand; just to make sure it was still there. He let his thoughts settle, too exhausted to entertain even a single one to completion. He found it very easy to fall back asleep, Richie’s hand and even breathing a gentle reminder that he was alright.


	24. TOAST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie woke up to the sound of soft voices. He yawned and rubbed at his eyes, hand slipping out from under Richie’s. He sat up, met with Beverly and Stan sitting on the couch and talking. They must have heard Eddie’s movements, because they stopped talking and looked at him. Beverly smiled and wished him a good morning.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello y’all, I’m back (for now)! Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement; They were much appreciated! 
> 
> I’m still in somewhat of a funk, so let me know if this chapter is a bit off!
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~Michael

Eddie woke up to the sound of soft voices. He yawned and rubbed at his eyes, hand slipping out from under Richie’s. He sat up, met with Beverly and Stan sitting on the couch and talking. They must have heard Eddie’s movements, because they stopped talking and looked at him. Beverly smiled and wished him a good morning.

Richie began to stir, eyes scrunching up; a clear sign that he was not enjoying being woken up. He sat up, rubbing at his eyes and stretching. Eddie looked down at his lap, ears burning. He wasn’t exactly sure why, though. How could someone look so cute while they stretched? How could Richie look so cute while he stretched?

“What’s up, losers?” Richie asked after a yawn. 

“Good morning to you, too,” Stan deadpanned. “Can we eat now? It’s, like, almost noon.”

Richie rolled his eyes, scratching his neck. “Patience is a virtue, my dear Staniel.”

“I’m hungry, too,” Eddie mumbled.

Richie looked at Eddie for a few moments before breaking into a smile. “Oh, how could I say no to my Eddie Spaghetti?”

“Don’t call me that, dickwad,” Eddie grumbled, hitting Richie‘s arm to try to hide the fact that he was smiling.

Richie laughed. “No can do, Mr. Spaghetti.” Eddie punched Richie again, but Richie just cackled. Beverly was giggling, and Eddie caught Stan shaking his head and rolling his eyes. 

The four went into the kitchen, Richie assuring the other three that he could cook them all something. Eddie scolded him, reminding him that he wasn’t allowed to use the stove unsupervised. Richie acted scandalized, as if Eddie had revealed a deep secret, and Stan had to slap him upside the head to get him to stop.

“Can we just make toast?” Eddie asked.

Richie smiled. “But of course, my dear Edward!”

Eddie helped Richie make the toast, nagging Richie to wash his hands before he touched the bread. Richie had complained relentlessly, but he washed his hands without putting up much of a real fight regardless. They made the toast, Stan and Beverly sitting quietly at the table. They all ate in relative silence.

“So,” Beverly said after a few minutes of silence, “what was with the hand holding? Did something happen?”

Eddie froze, and he was fairly certain Richie froze, too. “Huh?”

Beverly raised an eyebrow. “You two were holding hands.”

“Oh,” Eddie said sharply, glancing at Richie. “Yeah.”

Richie’s face was red and panicked, like he’d been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. Eddie supposed he had; You weren’t supposed to hold hands with another boy, were you? Eddie’s ears were warm, but he felt fine otherwise.

Richie laughed, but it sounded forced. “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, Bev.”

Eddie hadn’t meant to, but he reacted before he could even process what Richie had said. “You were the one that said we could,” he sped out, looking at Richie with knit eyebrows. “Don’t act like you weren’t.”

Richie’s eyes were wide, his face seeming to darken a shade. Eddie didn’t let up. “It’s not like it’s some awful thing, Richie.”

Eddie looked down at his lap, his brain catching up to his dialogue and causing him to shut his mouth. After a moment of silence, he hurriedly mumbled, “I have to get dressed.”

Eddie pushed himself up from his seat, practically running and grabbing his things from off the floor and into the bathroom. He held his breath as he put his clothes on, a simple t-shirt and shorts, and didn’t breathe again until he tied the laces of his sneakers. He made a beeline for the front door, yelling a shaky parting as he ran out and shut the door.


	25. SOCKS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie was sprawled out on his bed, shoes in his closet and legs hanging over the edge. Socked feet swung absentmindedly, bumping the bed frame with a soft thud. He stared up at his glow-in-the-dark stars, as he often found himself doing, and listened to his barely audible breathing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello y’all! Thank you so much for being so patient! I promise another chapter will be out sooner than later, as this chapter is kind of just a bridge between the last chapter and next chapter.
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ Michael

Eddie was sprawled out on his bed, shoes in his closet and legs hanging over the edge. Socked feet swung absentmindedly, bumping the bed frame with a soft thud. He stared up at his glow-in-the-dark stars, as he often found himself doing, and listened to his barely audible breathing. 

His head was swarming yet empty. Much like his head, his body felt numb. It wasn’t a negative experience, per se, but Eddie knew that it wasn’t the healthiest. Still, he stared and swung his feet and breathed softly. 

He wasn’t sure what he was feeling; if he was feeling. He didn’t know what he wanted, but he knew he wanted something. And much like it had been for the past few days, all his brain would supply him with was Richie, Richie, Richie.

Eddie huffed, blinking and forcing himself to sit up. He stared at his feet, dangling over his mattress, and wondered if Richie was mad at him. He put a hand through his hair, then plopped back down on his bedsheets. He threaded his fingers together, flipping his palms up, and stretched his arms toward the ceiling. After a few seconds, he let his hands disconnect, and his arms fell heavily like trees. 

Eddie heard a knock on his door, and his mother from the other side saying, “The Tozier’s boy is here,” in her vaguely disappointed voice.

Eddie’s heart began to thump louder in his ears and his stomach began to churn as he stood up. He wasn’t at all prepared to speak to Richie, but he wanted to do so very much. In fact, it was the only thing he’d been wanting to do all morning.


	26. HANDS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Richie was standing at the door, fidgeting with his hands, Eddie’s mother with her hands on her hips and tapping her foot. Eddie kept his head down the whole walk to the door, not wanting to look at Richie just yet. He didn’t think he could handle it. He’d probably run away, he thought, back into his room. He stopped at the door, and looked up at Richie carefully.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thank all of y’all for your patience! I’ll be trying to post more again, so look forward to that! I hope everyone is staying inside and healthy during these hard times. Much love to all of you and your families! 
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!  
> ~ Michael

Richie was standing at the door, fidgeting with his hands, Eddie’s mother with her hands on her hips and tapping her foot. Eddie kept his head down the whole walk to the door, not wanting to look at Richie just yet. He didn’t think he could handle it. He’d probably run away, he thought, back into his room. He stopped at the door, and looked up at Richie carefully.

“Hey,” Richie said, voice wavy and quiet.

“Hey,” Eddie echoed, tone not much different.

“Can I come in?” Richie pointed the question at Eddie, which gave him a slight sense of dread. 

“Sure.” Eddie wasn’t sure if Richie had actually heard him, but he must have read his lips or something, because he nodded and stepped inside. 

Without a word from either, Eddie led Richie to his room, because he knew Richie wanted to talk, and Eddie didn’t want his mother to eavesdrop so easily. He had a feeling this would be one of their more personal talks. The fact both terrified and excited him. He couldn’t tell if his racing heartbeat was because of anticipation or if his flipping stomach was from dread.

Eddie made sure to lock the door behind him, slowly and quietly, as he and Richie made it into his room. Eddie sat down on his bed, expecting Richie to do the same. Instead, Richie stayed standing, hands fidgeting. He looked like he was scared, which Eddie found odd. Then again, he reminded himself, he was also a little scared. 

“I’m sorry.” Richie spoke suddenly, like he had to force himself to speak. “I shouldn’t have acted all weird last night.”

Eddie’s eyebrows knit together. “Wait, what?”

Richie looked down at his hands, making spinning motions with them. “I just- I’m- I shouldn’t have done that.”

Eddie blinked. “Done what?”

Richie was quiet for a moment. “Held your hand.”

Eddie let out a breath, annoyance creeping into the sound of it. Eddie took a moment to argue with himself. Should he say it? Was it worth it? What if things went wrong? He shook his head and dismissed the thoughts, Richie looking at him shyly.

“I want to hold hands with you, dumbass.”

Richie’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I want to hold hands with you,” he repeated, slower this time. He couldn’t help the smile that accompanied the sentence.

“You do?”

Eddie nodded, humming in affirmation. Richie’s wide eyes were soon accompanied with an equally wide smile, and then a nervous yet relieved set of laughter. Eddie giggled, watching as Richie ran a hand through his hair while muttering profanities. He repeated his question, yet this time with a look of excitement rather than disbelief.

Eddie laughed. “Yes, Richie.”

“Oh, thank God.” Richie smiled, looking like he was about to explode with excitement. “I wanna hold hands with you, too.”

“Well, that’s good then,” Eddie noted.

Richie nodded. “Very.”


	27. A QUESTION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The two boys managed to convince their individual mothers to let them have a sleepover, with only a few hours of pleading and a couple of professionally faked tears. After a successful convincing, the two then had to plead with Richie’s mother to let them sleep in a tent outside. Once the deed was done, however, the two boys sat quite proudly across from each other, the four walls of the green tent shielding them from the cool afternoon breeze.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya’ll! I’m back with another cute chapter! My lovely girlfriend Penny has been helping me as of late, so keep in mind that their little quirks are probably some of ours :)
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!  
> ~Michael

The two boys managed to convince their individual mothers to let them have a sleepover, with only a few hours of pleading and a couple of professionally faked tears. After a successful convincing, the two then had to plead with Richie’s mother to let them sleep in a tent outside. Once the deed was done, however, the two boys sat quite proudly across from each other, the four walls of the green tent shielding them from the cool afternoon breeze.

Eddie’s body was practically vibrating with rushing blood and a speeding heart. He and Richie had agreed they needed to talk more thoroughly about their newfound discovery, although they knew that Eddie’s bedroom wasn’t the most secure of places. Their solution? A tent. Eddie was so excited that he almost tripped running out to Richie’s backyard.

“Okay, Spaghetti,” Richie said quietly. “You have all your things?”

Eddie nodded, patting his fanny pack. He had, however, removed his medications and set them on the kitchen counter for the next morning. Otherwise, all of his items were at his hip. He’d also brought out a flashlight and two water bottles, courtesy of Richie’s mother. Eddie removed his fanny pack and sat it in the corner of the tent, above where their pillows were. They had a small blow-up mattress underneath them, a folded blanket at their feet.

It wasn’t late enough for them to be sleeping, so to avoid suspicion, they brought out a few coloring books and some crayons. Richie sat them aside, sitting on his knees across from Eddie. Eddie sat cross-legged, hugging a pillow to his chest. It was the pillow he always used when over at Richie’s. It was blue and had little yellow stars all over it. He used it so often, Richie called it his pillow. Eddie was quite fond of it.

“So,” Richie began, voice almost professional, “where do we start?”

Eddie shrugged, hugging the pillow tighter. “I don’t know,” he said. 

Richie’s face was becoming increasingly more red as the seconds went by, and only when Eddie realized this did he start to get nervous. He hadn’t really thought about how this whole thing would play out. What were they going to talk about? What were they going to do?

“Okay,” Richie said softly. He took a breath. “Uhm, well, I really like you?”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “Huh?”

Richie seemed to ignore him, his voice speeding up. “I actually think I’ve had a crush on you since we were, like, little kids?”

Eddie’s voice shook. “Oh.”

“So, yeah,” Richie said, letting out a nervous laugh.

“Oh. Okay.” Eddie’s ears burned, and he felt dizzy. “I, uhm, like you too.”

“Yeah?” Richie’s face lit up, but the light soon faded. “Hey, are you okay?”

“I’m okay.”

“You sure?”

Eddie shook his head. “No.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Now what?”

Richie raised an eyebrow. “What’d’ya mean?”

“Now what do we do?” Eddie furrowed his eyebrows. “Do we do anything?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, Richie! That’s why I’m asking!”

Richie frowned. “Well, I think we’re not supposed to be doing this.”

Eddie groaned. “It’s a little late for that, Rich.”

Richie’s cheeks turned a shade darker. “I know what I want to do, at least.” 

Eddie hummed in response, signaling for Richie to continue. “If you’d like to, I’d like it a lot if you were my boyfriend.”


	28. BOYFRIENDS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie thought he was having an asthma attack. Did he hear Richie correctly? Richie liked him? Richie had a crush on him? Richie wanted him to be his boyfriend? No, he must have heard wrong.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! I’m back with more adorable children! My girlfriend has been keeping a “y’all count” for my author’s notes, so I guess y’all are gonna be seeing me say y’all a bit more often! The things we do for love :D
> 
> As always, I hope y’all enjoy!  
> ~ Michael

Eddie thought he was having an asthma attack. Did he hear Richie correctly? Richie liked him? Richie had a crush on him? Richie wanted him to be his boyfriend? No, he must have heard wrong.

“What?”

Richie laughed nervously, hands fidgeting with his shirt hem. “I’d really like it if you were my boyfriend, Eddie.”

“Oh.” Eddie couldn’t breathe. His ears burned. “Uhm, I’d really like that, too, I think.”

Richie laughed, smiling wide. “Really?”

Eddie nodded, a smile spreading across his face, too. “Yeah.”

“Holy shit!” Eddie didn’t think he’d ever seen Richie look so happy. “Holy fucking shit!”

Eddie giggled. “You okay, Trashmouth?”

Richie ignored him. “You wanna be my boyfriend.” Eddie giggled again. “The Eddie fucking Kaspbrak wants to be my boyfriend! Holy shit!”

Eddie couldn’t help his laughter. “Yes, yes he does.”

“Dude!” Richie looked ecstatic. “Does this mean you’re my boyfriend?”

“I think so,” Eddie said, giggles subsiding momentarily. “I’m pretty sure, at least.”

Richie laughed, seemingly triumphant. “Fuck yes!”

Eddie could only giggle. “You seem pretty excited.”

“That’s because I fucking am!” Richie looked like he could explode any minute. “Bev is gonna fucking freak when I tell her!”

Eddie’s smile disappeared. “Beverly?”

Richie’s energy died down a bit. He laughed, seemingly embarrassed. “I’ve been telling her about how much I like you for years.”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

“If you don’t want me to tell her, I won’t,” Richie said, serious. “Only if you’re okay with it.”

Eddie smiled reassuringly. “I don’t mind.”

After their excitement boiled down a bit, the two got out the coloring books and crayons. Richie laid on his stomach while Eddie opted to stay cross-legged. They colored absentmindedly while talking about how they liked the other. Richie talked the most, seemingly having a whole life’s worth of crush to share. Eddie found it endearing. He couldn’t wait to write all about it in his journal the next day. 

“Dude, I’ve been wanting to ask you out for, like, years.”

“Really?”

“Yeah!” Richie laughed, cheeks tinted pink, his voice softening. “I mean, I did tell my mom once that I wanted you to be my boyfriend.”

“Oh.” Eddie frowned. “What did she say?”

Richie shrugged as best he could while on his stomach. “She didn’t get mad or anything,” he said. “She just told me boys couldn’t have boyfriends.”

Eddie’s frown deepened, but he didn’t say anything. He hummed, instead, watching Richie’s face. He was currently focused on his coloring page, lips pursed and eyebrows furrowed. Eddie thought it was cute. He wondered what he looked like when he was concentrating. 

Eddie wasn’t really sure when it happened, but soon enough Richie ran out of things to say, and the two continued to color in silence. That didn’t mean Eddie’s thoughts weren’t running wild, though. He wasn’t the most practiced when it came to dating, but he knew enough. Were they supposed to kiss now? Were they supposed to go on dates?

“Hey, Rich?”

“Yeah?”

“So,” Eddie put his crayon down. “I don’t know anything about dating. At all.”

Richie looked up from his coloring page. “Oh, yeah. Me neither.”

“What?” Eddie was genuinely surprised. “But I thought you knew all this shit?”

Richie shook his head. “Nope!”

Eddie couldn’t help but start to feel nervous. “Well, how are we supposed to be dating if neither of us knows what we’re doing?”

Richie shrugged. “Doesn’t matter what everyone else says dating is,” he offered. “We just do what makes us happy.”

The oddly poetic line hit Eddie harder than he would have liked. “Oh. Okay. That works.”

What was this feeling in his chest, he wondered? Was he having another asthma attack? For once, he didn’t think so. His chest felt tight, yes, but it was almost non-physical. He was breathing just fine, he reminded himself, and he’d felt the tightness in his chest before. But was there a name for the feeling? Probably, he reasoned.

There was a lot he wanted to tell Richie that he couldn’t bring himself to. He wanted to tell Richie how much he wanted to be held. He wanted to tell Richie how much he liked when he’d play with his hair. He wanted to tell Richie that he wouldn’t mind kissing him. He wanted to tell Richie so many things, but embarrassment kept him from doing so. He didn’t think Richie would mind the things he wanted, but he didn’t know if it was too early to tell him. Regardless, Eddie kept his thoughts to himself. He wanted to be sure of what he wanted before he jumped into anything too extreme.


	29. A FIRST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The inside of the tent was dark, and Eddie couldn’t seem to fall asleep. He wondered how Richie had been able to fall asleep when he was so full of adrenaline and anxiety. It seemed that the nighttime quiet magnified his fears, which Eddie didn’t necessarily appreciate. Instead of the much preferred action of sleeping, Eddie laid on his back and stared up at the sewed ridge where the two slanted tent walls met. His mind was swarming and he wasn’t sure how to stop it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all!
> 
> I hope y’all are doing okay in this time of craziness! I’m glad that I can be a source of escape to anyone who may need it!
> 
> If y’all happen to have anything specific that y’all would like to see in this fic, please let me know! It will continue on through their first few milestones, and after that I may make a separate fic for their teen years. I may decide to just add it on to here, though, as a sort of Part Two!
> 
> Stay safe! And as always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ Michael

The inside of the tent was dark, and Eddie couldn’t seem to fall asleep. He wondered how Richie had been able to fall asleep when he was so full of adrenaline and anxiety. It seemed that the nighttime quiet magnified his fears, which Eddie didn’t necessarily appreciate. Instead of the much preferred action of sleeping, Eddie laid on his back and stared up at the sewed ridge where the two slanted tent walls met. His mind was swarming and he wasn’t sure how to stop it.

Eddie had too many thoughts, many of which he didn’t want to entertain at the moment. Not only was he wishing for sleep, he wasn’t the most practiced in the realm of dating. Eddie really didn’t want to make any mistakes. What if he made Richie uncomfortable? What if he did something weird and made Richie hate him? What if Richie realized he didn’t like Eddie at all? Eddie tried to keep those thoughts quiet. 

Eddie quietly sat himself up, rubbing at his sleepy eyes and yawning before grabbing one of the coloring books they’d been using earlier. Richie loved coloring books, but since it was a childish thing to like, he didn’t like anyone knowing. The only reason Eddie knew was because they’d always colored together when they were little, and it just stuck. They had a lot of things like that, Eddie realized.

When they were younger, Richie’s parents would help them build pillow forts with the couch cushions to watch movies in. When they were younger, Eddie was scared of the dark and Richie would let him sleep in his bed so that he could protect him from any night monsters. When they were younger, they’d wrestle each other to decide who got to play with a toy they both wanted. When they were younger, they’d play draped across each other, seemingly unaware of the other. When they were younger, Richie would tickle Eddie when he was sad to try and make him laugh. 

Eddie found himself smiling at the memories, quite fond of them. Yes, Richie was an annoying ass sometimes, but he was a lovable annoying ass. Or at least he was admirable, and Eddie admired Richie a whole lot. Though, Eddie reminded himself, not everyone was quite so fond of his hyperactive now-boyfriend. His mother would be especially displeased at this development. 

The word boyfriend made him giddy, and Eddie couldn’t help the happy bubbling in his chest. He really did like Richie, and it felt quite nice for Richie to like him back. The whole situation was very surreal to him, and he wondered how long it would take for him to fully realize the fact that he was dating a boy. He didn’t want to think about it, though. He was too happy to be thinking about it. 

Eddie tensed as Richie started to stir. He didn’t wake up, though, much to Eddie’s relief. Sometimes, Richie went through little spells where he’d have frequent nightmares. Eddie hoped this wasn’t the case. He’d feel quite awful if he couldn’t console his best friend. Well, his boyfriend, Eddie corrected himself.

Richie Tozier was his boyfriend. The fact made Eddie happier than he’d been in a while, considering all he’d been through in the past couple of weeks. Richie Tozier was his boyfriend. No, Richie wasn’t being bombarded by girls, but it wasn’t rare for Richie to joke about how he’d supposedly made out with some girl behind the bleachers of the football field. Richie Tozier was his boyfriend. Richie Tozier was his boyfriend. Richie Tozier was his boyfriend.

Eddie didn’t think he’d be able to sleep with so much excitement coursing through him. He could barely contain himself, and the coloring book wasn’t much of a useful outlet. Still, he colored a page to completion, successfully dampering at least a fraction of his energy. Richie stirred again, but this time Eddie wasn’t so lucky. 

“Eddie?” Richie rubbed at his eyes, sitting up. “What’re you doin’ awake?”

Eddie only hummed. Richie took a few minutes to wake himself up, which made Eddie feel a bit guilty, but there was nothing he could do about it. Richie stretched, yawning, and grabbed his glasses from beside him. He put them on, eyes suddenly twice their normal size, and blinked a few times. Again, he asked Eddie what he was doing. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” was all Eddie was willing to admit. He heard Richie let out a heavy breath. 

“Eds, come on. I can tell somethin’s up.”

Eddie put the coloring book down, and the crayon he was holding back into the box. He hugged his knees to his chest, but didn’t say anything at first. He had to think. Should he tell Richie his original anxieties, and then his excitement, that was keeping him awake? Should he ask Richie the things he wanted to ask? 

“Eds?”

“I want to kiss you.”

Richie’s eyes widened, comically large behind his glasses. “Oh! Oh, okay.”

Eddie tried not smile. “We don’t have to, I just wanted to tell you.”

Eddie could tell that Richie’s face was a bright pink, even in the dark. “Your mother wouldn’t approve.”

“No, probably not.”

“She’d say you’ll get sick from my germs.”

Eddie hummed. “I’ll chance it.”

Richie let out a shaky laugh. “Oh, good.”

“We don’t have to,” Eddie repeated, “I just wanted to tell you.”

“Could we, though?”

“I suppose.”

Eddie shifted so that he was cross-legged, Richie moving to sit on his knees. He looked shaky. Eddie was also a bit nervous, but he though the lack of sleep was making it a bit easier for him to cope. Richie laughed, sounding nervous, as he scooted closer to Eddie. It was endearing, he thought, how nervous Richie seemed. It meant that he actually cared. Otherwise, why would he be nervous?

Richie put one hand on Eddie’s shoulder, the other on his leg. Eddie’s blood was boiling with sudden nervousness. He hoped that it wasn’t as apparent as it felt. Richie gave him a nervous yet somehow reassuring smile, and Eddie tried his best to return it. 

“You gonna help any, Spaghetti?” Richie’s voice was quiet and shaky.

Eddie laughed. “If I have to.”

Richie started leaning closer, so Eddie decided his contribution would be to lean in a little as well. Richie paused when their faces were a few inches apart, and Eddie could hear him take a deep breath before touching their lips together. It wasn’t anything magical by any means, and it felt a little weird, but Eddie thought it was quite nice. Their lips only touched for a span of two seconds, but Eddie had to admit that it felt like both longer and shorter. Eddie expected Richie to act like, well, Richie! Instead of a smug smile, however, he was greeted with wide eyes and an astonished look. 

“Holy shit,” Richie said, sounding almost out of breath. His face was red.

“Yeah?”

“That was nice.”

“Yeah, it was.”

Richie laughed. “There’s no way that Beverly’s gonna believe me.”


	30. WALKING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie woke up not sure of when he actually fell asleep. All he could remember was kissing Richie last night. Thinking about it made his chest bubble up. He looked over at Richie, who was still asleep. He had his glasses on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all!
> 
> I have come back to deliver more Content! I’m sure I’ll get another out soon for y’all. I hope everyone is staying safe or as safe as they can be right now. I love all of y’all.
> 
> Stay safe, and as always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ Michael

Eddie woke up not sure of when he actually fell asleep. All he could remember was kissing Richie last night. Thinking about it made his chest bubble up. He looked over at Richie, who was still asleep. He had his glasses on. 

After checking to see that the sun was up, Eddie tapped Richie’s side with his foot. Richie stirred, hitting his glasses as he went to rub his eyes. He jolted, eyes suddenly open, letting out a confused yelp. Eddie had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing. 

“You okay?” Eddie asked from behind his hand. 

“Yeah.” Richie seemed too tired to be snappy. “Just didn’t expect ‘em to be there.”

“Do you think your mom would make us pancakes if we asked?”

Richie laughed. “I like the way you think, Spaghetti.”

The two decided to go inside and get dressed before attempting any schemes, and Eddie found that changing in the same room was a bit more embarrassing than usual. It wasn’t anything different, Eddie knew, he just felt a lot more nervous about what Richie thought about him now that they were dating. He still couldn’t believe it. How were they dating? It had to have been a dream or something.

“Hey, Richie?”

“Yeah?”

“Did all that actually happen last night?”

Richie laughed, sounding as if he’d been thinking the same thing. “I hope so.”

Eddie smiled. “Me too.”

Once they’d gotten dressed, they went to pester Richie’s mother into making them pancakes. Sadly, they couldn’t convince her. She said something about needing to go to the grocery. Instead, they settled and made plain toast. 

“Damn,” Richie speculated as he tried unsuccessfully to find jam, “we really do need to get groceries.”

Eddie shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

“Yeah, but I do,” Richie complained, sitting back down at the table.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “How will you survive?”

After they ate, they grabbed Eddie’s things and left to take them back to his house. They were going to go get Beverly, so they decided to go ahead and take Eddie’s things home. They talked nonsense on the way. They talked about comic books and movies and shows, and nothing too serious.

Once they’d walked up to the porch, Eddie unlocked the front door and begrudgingly let Richie help him carry his things inside. Eddie didn’t want his mother to stop them while they were leaving. He didn’t want her to stop them in general, really. He didn’t know how strong his resolve would be once he fully processed just how hard he’d have to try to keep him and Richie a secret from her. 

Thankfully, they got to Eddie’s room without much difficulty. They dropped his things on his bed and hurried to leave. Unfortunately, Eddie’s mother did stop them on their way out. She was standing in front of the door, hands on her hips and a disapproving frown on her face. 

“Now where are you two going so early?” Her voice was a sickly sweet; an obvious cover for her clear disappointment. 

“We’re gonna go hang out with our friends.” Better to keep it simple, Eddie reasoned.

His mother nodded dramatically, as if she were considering the idea. “Well, be back by lunch time. We’re having family over.”

Eddie resisted the urge to groan. “Yes, Ma.”

“Now, I think I deserve a goodbye kiss.”

Eddie felt his ears heat up. He didn’t say anything as he reached up on his tiptoes to give his mother a kiss on the cheek. She moved out of the way of the door, and Eddie rushed through it, pulling Richie by the wrist. 

“Not a single word, Richie.”

They walked to Beverly’s in near silence. Eddie would look at Richie occasionally, finding his now-boyfriend’s hands fidgeting more times than not. He wondered why, but he decided not to ask. Richie would tell him if it was important, right? Eddie wasn’t exactly sure.

As they were coming up toward Beverly’s, Richie asked, “So you’re perfectly fine with me telling Bev?”

Eddie laughed. “I think it’d be rude not to. Obviously she’s okay with it.”

Richie nodded. “I guess, yeah.”

“I’m okay, really.”

“You’re sure?”

Eddie laughed again. “I’m sure, Richie, really.”

“Okay.” 

Richie didn’t sound convinced, but they were about to walk up to the door, so Eddie decided to let the subject go. Without much thought, he knocked on the door and waited patiently for someone to answer. He realized he didn’t have a plan for if Beverly’s father answered the door instead of Beverly. Would he get mad?

Thankfully, it wasn’t him who answered the door. “Hey guys! What’s up?”

Richie put his arm around Eddie’s shoulders. “Wanna hang out?”

Eddie felt his ears grow warm, but he hoped Beverly didn’t notice. With his luck, though, she probably did. His whole everything screamed flustered. He was playing with the zippers on his fanny pack, and he was sure he looked stiff and uncomfortable.

Beverly grinned. “Definitely. Would we be able to go somewhere else though? Dad’s here.”

“Yup! Hey, Eds,” Richie smiled at Eddie, making his ears a little warmer, “d’you think we’d be able to hang at your house?”

“My house?” Eddie repeated. “But my mom’s there. And family will be over.”

“Yeah, so?” Richie gave Eddie’s shoulder a pat. “If she wants us to leave then she’ll tell us.”

“I dunno, Richie.” Eddie looked at his feet. “She doesn’t exactly like Beverly, or you.”

“Well, no, but I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Eddie sighed, deciding it wasn’t worth arguing. “Okay, yeah.” He knew that once Richie had an idea, he didn’t let it go. “We can go to my house.”

“Sweet!”

“But don’t complain when my mom makes both of you leave.”


	31. CATCHING UP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eddie was standing just inside the front door, Richie and Beverly close behind him. His mother was standing in front of him, arms crossed and a badly hidden look of horror on her face. Eddie wasn’t surprised in the slightest, though. He knew she didn’t like either of his two friends. He also knew that it must be borderline terrifying for her to imagine him in a room alone with the two.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all!
> 
> Thank y’all for being so patient about this chapter! I got into a bit of a funk, especially with all that’s been happening in America, and couldn’t really get myself to do anything. Thankfully my wonderfully amazing girlfriend Penny helped me motivate myself! So, y’all have her to thank for this chapter.
> 
> Please keep safe y’all, and as always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ Michael

Eddie was standing just inside the front door, Richie and Beverly close behind him. His mother was standing in front of him, arms crossed and a badly hidden look of horror on her face. Eddie wasn’t surprised in the slightest, though. He knew she didn’t like either of his two friends. He also knew that it must be borderline terrifying for her to imagine him in a room alone with the two.

“We’re just gonna look at comic books and talk and stuff,” Eddie said, hoping to dispel her obvious disapproval. “That’s all.”

His mother seemed to be thinking, probably trying to find a reason not to allow it. She stared at him for a few seconds before slowly saying, “If that’s all, then I suppose it’s alright.”

Eddie grinned, knowing that her statement was insincere, but delighted nonetheless. He thanked her and led his two friends to his bedroom. As he opened the door, his mother seemed to have a last minute realization. 

“Don’t forget family will be here!”

Eddie knew this was her way of telling him that Richie and Beverly had to leave before noon. “Okay!” He wasn’t going to abide by any means.

As Eddie closed his bedroom door, he watched Richie fall onto his bed with a quiet ‘oof’ and a laugh from Beverly. He rolled his eyes, sitting down on the floor next to her. Richie gasped dramatically, a hand to his chest. 

“I’m wounded!” He said weakly, as if on his deathbed. He fell backward onto his back, bouncing slightly on the mattress. He reached up at the ceiling before dropping his arm to the side. “How dare you choose her over me!”

Eddie rolled his eyes again, grinning. “Sorry, Richie, but Beverly’s much nicer.”

Beverly laughed. “Ouch.”

Richie sat up, feigning offense. “Hey! I’m super nice!”

“Are you though?” Beverly asked.

“Of course I am!” Richie crossed his arms. “I do so many nice things!”

“Like what?”

“Well for one,” he paused, obviously thinking, “I grace you all with my wonderful presence.”

“It’s a presence alright,” Eddie mumbled, getting another laugh from Beverly.

“You’re so mean,” Richie said, laughing. “Why am I friends with you?”

“I’m very cute,” Eddie said matter-of-factly. “Or so you’ve told me.”

Richie’s face went pink. “Listen.”

“Listening.” Eddie’s smile was smug, and he wasn’t exactly sure where the sudden confidence boost was coming from. He wasn’t complaining, though. It was fun to joke around like this. 

Richie’s face turned a darker shade of pink. “I hate you,” he said, no real bite behind it. 

“Speaking of,” Eddie said, “are you gonna tell Beverly about the thing or not?”

“This is cruel,” Richie mumbled, shaking his head but smiling nonetheless. “Yeah, sure.”

Beverly had an eyebrow raised. “Tell me about what thing?” She looked between the two before settling on Eddie. “Did Richie set another one of Stan’s birdhouses on fire?”

“That was an accident!”

“How do you accidentally set a birdhouse on fire?” 

“I don’t know!”

Eddie let out a sigh. “Hey, Richie. I know you have ADHD, but this is kinda important, yeah?” 

Richie laughed sheepishly. “Oh, yeah.”

Richie didn’t continue, instead looking at Eddie with barely recognizable panic. Oh boy, Eddie thought, was he gonna have to tell Beverly for him? He didn’t want to, but then again he wanted nothing more than to say out loud that he was dating Richie Tozier. In the end, he shook his head and rolled his eyes and gave Richie a reassuring smile. 

“We’re dating now,” Eddie said, barely able to keep the pleasant bubbling out of his voice. “Richie asked me out last night.”

Beverly’s eyes widened along with her smile. “Holy shit, really?” She gave Richie a high five. “Fuck yeah, dude!”

Richie was smiling, cheeks red, looking shy. “Thanks,” he said quietly. 

“See?” Beverly gestured toward him. “I told ya you could do it!”

“I know, I know.” 

“I’m proud of you!”

“Thanks,” he repeated.

“He was super nervous,” Eddie chimed in. “It was sweet.”

Richie’s cheeks blushed red. “No it wasn’t,” he argued quietly. 

“No, it totally was!” Eddie rested his cheek against his fist. “I liked it.”

Eddie knew that Richie wasn’t used to getting so much praise, and it was quite obvious by how blushy and quiet he was being. Eddie thought it was endearing. He was very much looking forward to making praise a little less foreign for Richie. He very well deserved it.


	32. TREE-WINDOW BREAK-IN, REPRISE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It had been a cozy morning so far. Eddie woke up, ate breakfast, and retreated back into his room to write in his journal. The quiet pitter patter of rain and the cloudy light that filled the room provided him with a quiet peacefulness that he wished to hold on to. He was writing about the past couple of days, a light blush on his cheeks. He felt happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! 
> 
> I’m so excited to post! I hope this makes up for the hiatus; It’s actually around 1k words (which is a lot compared to my recent chapters)! I hope everyone is doing alright, and staying safe and healthy this November. 
> 
> Hopefully I’ve gotten out of my little funk, but sadly I can’t make any promises for fear of breaking them unintentionally. Thank y’all for all y’all’s kind words and encouragement; It really does mean a lot to me. I’m so glad that I can be a source of entertainment for y’all, and it’s so surreal being an important part of people’s lives (albeit not that important). 
> 
> Thank y’all, and as always, I hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> ~ Michael

It had been a cozy morning so far. Eddie woke up, ate breakfast, and retreated back into his room to write in his journal. The quiet pitter patter of rain and the cloudy light that filled the room provided him with a quiet peacefulness that he wished to hold on to. He was writing about the past couple of days, a light blush on his cheeks. He felt happy. 

There was the sound of footsteps outside of his door, and so Eddie stashed his notebook back under his bed and grabbed a book off of his bookshelf. He’d written so much in that notebook; He couldn’t imagine the trouble he’d be in if his mother found out. Not only was he hiding it, but it had secrets in it that he didn’t think he could tell her just yet. Maybe when he was older, and moved out, he would tell her. Or maybe he would just not tell her at all, and let her believe whatever it was that she thought about him. 

His mother didn’t knock on or open the door, and after a few minutes Eddie assumed that he was safe to get the journal back out. He only had a few more lines he needed to write, anyway. Then he could get dressed and pretend like he wasn’t keeping the biggest secret he possibly could from his mother. He tried not to dwell on it, not really wanting all the extra anxiety that came with secretly dating your best friend. If only his mother didn’t hate Richie. 

After he finished writing, he put the journal away and got dressed; Just a simple jumper and shorts. Once he was finished changing, he tidied his room and organized some of his books and things. It wasn’t really necessary, he knew, but sometimes it was nice to do something productive. 

The rest of the day went by slowly. Eddie didn’t want to go outside since it was raining, so he spent all day in his room. It wasn’t awful, he just wished it would stop raining. He spent the afternoon building with the loose Lego bricks he had gotten for his tenth birthday, not really making anything specific. He just liked stacking the bricks. 

Soon enough it was time for bed. The rain had since stopped, though sadly the sky wasn’t getting any brighter. He put on pajamas and kissed his mother goodnight, and he got into bed. He looked up at the glow-in-the-dark stars, wondering if him and Richie could buy some more sometime. He wanted to cover more of his ceiling than just over his bed, if he could help it.

Eddie woke up, room still dark. He looked at his watch on his bedside table to see that it was practically one in the morning. Why in the world had he woken up? He was entirely too exhausted to have woken up on his own. He jolted as he heard something hit his window, and as he looked over at it, he deduced that it was probably Richie. He got up out of bed and went over to the window, opening it to the sound of crickets. Sure enough, Richie was standing there in pajamas and rain boots.

“Can I come up?” Richie called, waving. 

Eddie nodded, and Richie began to work on scaling the tree. Once he got up high enough, Eddie reached his hand out. 

“You better not track mud in my house, Tozier.”

Richie laughed. “I can take ‘em off if it’ll make you feel better.”

“Give ‘em to me.”

Richie one-handedly took off a shoe, using Eddie’s hand as a stabilizer. He handed him the boot and Eddie carefully put it up against the wall, upside down so that the mud didn’t get on the floor. They did the same with the other, and soon enough Richie was inside and Eddie was closing the window. 

“Couldn’t sleep?” Eddie asked as he sat down on his bed, followed by Richie. Richie hummed in affirmation. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” he said. “Was just thinkin’ a lot I guess.”

“About what?”

“I kinda wanna tell my parents. I don’t know why.”

“Oh.” Eddie thought for a moment. “I understand.”

“Yeah?”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah. Do you think they’d mind?”

Richie huffed, flopping himself onto his back. He folded his hands over his stomach. “I mean, I don’t know?” Richie was quiet for a few seconds. “I know they love me, and I know that they’ve already been dealing with my bullshit for forever, but what if they get upset?”

“Cut yourself some slack, Rich. You aren’t that bad to deal with.”

“No, not like that. I mean with the whole crush thing.”

“Oh.”

“Like, Mom’s been asking me about you a lot lately, and saying how she’s glad that I have you as a friend, and all that stuff.”

“Yeah?”

“And she’s always telling me not to worry about your mom, and how she’s just worried about you, and that if she could just see how much I care about you, she wouldn’t be so against me.”

Eddie only hummed. He didn’t really believe that anything could change his mother’s view of Richie, but it was a nice sentiment.

“And I think they might know already? I mean I never was very secret about how much I loved you when we were little.”

Eddie laughed. “Absolutely not.”

Richie went quiet again. “Sorry, I think I got off track.”

“I don’t mind, dummy.” Eddie nudged him. “Keep going. I like listening.”

Richie’s cheeks went pink. “Basically I was just saying that they’ve never seemed too upset by my complete and utter obsession with you. Only when your mom gets mad.”

“Oh, really?”

Richie hummed. “She only mentioned the whole bed thing because she was worried your mom would get upset, I guess.”

Eddie wasn’t exactly sure what to take away from Richie’s ramblings. “Well, we don’t have to think about it right now. Not if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t.”

“Alright.”

There was a brief moment of silence. “Can we hold hands?”

Eddie laughed, though his ears were warm. “Of course.”

They laced their fingers together, and Eddie stared at the glow-in-the-dark-stars once again. He was suddenly very aware of how tired he was. He wondered if Richie was tired, too. He didn’t want to be keeping him up any. 

“Hey, are you tired?”

“No, why?” Richie was looking at the stars, too. “Are you?”

“A little,” Eddie admitted. 

Richie sat up, resting on his elbows. “You can go back to sleep if you’d like. I can leave.”

Eddie shook his head. “I don’t want you to go yet.”

“Oh.” Richie’s cheeks were red. “Okay.”

“Could you,” Eddie started, ears growing warmer, “Could you maybe be with me? While I sleep?”

Richie smiled. “Well, yeah. Of course.”

“You can leave whenever,” Eddie said, sitting himself up and letting go of Richie’s hand. “Just until I fall asleep, is all.”

“Okay,” Richie said, still smiling. “I can do that.”

Once Eddie was situated in bed, Richie laid down next to him. “Promise you’ll be careful getting down,” Eddie mumbled, his eyes finding it difficult to stay open. 

“I promise,” Richie whispered, voice softer than Eddie had ever heard it. 

“Are you sure you won’t fall asleep?”

“M’positive, Eds. Promise.”

“Okay.” Eddie yawned. “Goodnight?”

“Goodnight.” Eddie could hear Richie’s smile. “Sleep well, Eddie.”


	33. SKATEBOARDING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Eddie was sitting on a bench in the park, watching as Richie tried and failed to skateboard. It would be funny if Eddie wasn’t so terrified of Richie falling and hurting himself. It didn’t help that Richie had refused to use any sort of protection. Eddie tried to compromise with just a helmet, but Richie said he didn’t want to look stupid. Besides, he’d said, they’ve never worn helmets with their bikes anyway - why wear one for a skateboard?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am back with another chapter! I've started writing on my laptop again, so it feels a little weird, but hopefully the quality of my chapters will be a bit higher because of it. I don't have all that much to say other than that. I'm glad I've started writing again, I really missed these two dumbasses.
> 
> As always, stay safe, I hope y'all enjoy!
> 
> ~Michael

Eddie was sitting on a bench in the park, watching as Richie tried and failed to skateboard. It would be funny if Eddie wasn’t so terrified of Richie falling and hurting himself. It didn’t help that Richie had refused to use any sort of protection. Eddie tried to compromise with just a helmet, but Richie said he didn’t want to look stupid. Besides, he’d said, they’ve never worn helmets with their bikes anyway - why wear one for a skateboard? 

“I’ve almost got it, I swear.”

“I really don't think you do.”

Richie tried again, and this time he actually didn’t almost fall. He threw his hands in the air. “Success!”

Eddie couldn’t help giggling, no matter how scared he was. “Be careful, idiot.”

“I am, I am.” He rolled back toward Eddie. “And even if I wasn’t, I have the best doctor in town at my service.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, though he was smiling. “Shut up.”

“No can do, my lovely Eddie Spaghetti.”

“You’re so annoying.”

“I try.” Richie sat down on the bench next to Eddie, rolling the skateboard back and forth in front of him. “Has Mrs. K talked about school shopping yet? My mom’s making me go with her tomorrow. Says I need new ‘presentable’ clothes, whatever that means.”

“Yeah, we’re going on Wednesday.”

“Gross. Think I can do a jump on the skateboard?”

“Yeah, if you wanna smash your face into the ground, dumbass.”

Richie laughed, jumping up and running to a spot with his skateboard in hand. He put it down and gave an over-the-top wink before going on the board, wobbling, and barely making it five feet before having to jump off to avoid falling. Richie stood in his spot, hands on his hips, staring at the skateboard rolling away. It veered a little and got stuck in the grass a few feet away. 

“Well then,” Richie said shortly, making no effort to go over and get it.  
Eddie laughed, and Richie finally walked over to get the board. “At least you didn’t fall,” Eddie noted.

“It’s not as funny if I don’t fall, though.” Richie got back on the board, not moving. “Maybe I should start falling on purpose.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t.”

“Maybe.”

“We could take a break,” Eddie offered. “You’ve been at it a while.”

“I’m starting to get the hang of it, I just need a few more tries.”

“You said that half an hour ago, Richie.”

“I did?”

Eddie hummed in affirmation. “I think a break would be good.”

Richie hopped off of the skateboard and picked it up. “Alright.”

Eddie stood up as Richie came back over to him. “You can practice more tomorrow.”

“I guess.”

They started walking their way back to Eddie’s house. “Oh, don’t be like that. You did good today.”

Richie only hummed, and Eddie let the subject go. He knew how hard Richie was on himself, and he didn’t want to give him a chance to degrade himself. Eddie knew it was Richie’s way of hiding how hard he really tried. People can’t make fun of you if you make fun of yourself first, he had told him once. Eddie didn’t think it was a very good way of going about things, but he said he didn’t mean to do it most of the time. 

“I hope we get classes together,” Richie said once they were in sight of Eddie’s house. “It would suck if we didn’t.”

“I’m sure we’ll have a few.”

“But what if we don’t?”

Eddie thought for a moment. “We’re bound to have at least one class together. And even if we don’t, we can still hang out after school.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

They got to Eddie’s house, and they hugged and said their goodbyes. Eddie went inside feeling quite bubbly. He always felt giddy after hanging out with Richie, especially since they were dating. It was weird how both easy and hard it was to keep it a secret. On one hand, they didn’t act all that much different with each other. On the other hand, the line between their normal banter and flirting was sometimes hard to place. It hadn’t been a problem yet, but he wondered just how long they could get away with it.

Eddie knew they’d have to be more careful once school started up again. A little bit of accidental flirting in front of their friends was one thing, but at school? The consequences would probably make their lives a whole lot harder. Eddie already got picked on quite a bit at school, and he knew Richie’s class clown status wasn’t always a positive one. He didn’t want to imagine how much worse it would be if word got out that they were dating.

He didn’t really want to be worrying himself over it too much, though. There was still a little while before school even started, anyway. He decided to instead get his journal out and update it. He had adopted a bit of a schedule, where he’d update it every few days unless something big happened that needed to be addressed. Life had been fairly kind to him these past few weeks, so he didn’t need to update it so frequently. Once school started, though, he was sure he’d be updating it a bit more often. 

Even if he was bullied a little bit, he had his friends to help stand up for him. They all watched out for each other, because they all knew what it was like to be outcast. That’s why they made such good friends, Eddie thought. They were all sick and tired of being treated like trash. Eddie was glad he’d made such good friends, no matter how much his mother hated them. They made him feel like he belonged, and that’s all that mattered to Eddie. He wished he knew how to get his mother to understand.

Eddie wondered if there even was a way to get his mother to understand. His life would be a whole lot easier if only his mother wasn’t so protective. He was fairly certain his mother was too far gone to change, and he had come to accept it for the most part. It made him kind of sad knowing that she’d probably never stop trying to micromanage him, but it was something that he was prepared to deal with. He hoped that he’d be willing to stand up for himself once he got a bit older. He was so used to being told what to do and think, but he knew that someday he’d be able to live for himself.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! This is just for fun, so I don’t have a post schedule or anything, but I’ll definitely make sure that I don’t leave y’all hanging!
> 
> If you’d like, you can find me on:  
> tumblr - @baguette-avocat  
> instagram - @baguette.avocat


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